Dad jokes
55 Cheesy Valentine's Day Jokes Both Kids And Adults Will Love
55 Cheesy Valentine's Day JokesJose Luis Pelaez Inc - Getty Images
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Valentine's Day is quickly approaching, and before you know it, the flowers you ordered months ago (hint: or right now) are going to be delivered to their doorstep and the outfit you've had picked out for weeks is going to be debuted at your amazing dinner reservation. Let's say you've already ordered his or her present, you've got all your V-Day decorations up around the house, and now what's left is planning what to tell them on the day of love. You have quite a few possibilities: Send them a heartfelt message, share with them a loving quote that captures how you feel, or entertain them with a hilarious (and most likely cheesy) Valentine's Day joke. Hopefully only the latter will leave them laughing in your face!
The majority of these jokes would leave an elementary school student in stitches, and they're sure to get at least a chuckle out of your Valentine, no matter their age—even if it's just a sympathy giggle. If you're dead set on becoming the person who only tells bad but lovable dad jokes, you'll probably fall in love with this list.
While a sweet quote translates well on paper, a joke can be a winner in basically any medium. Whether you're sharing them with your class full of students or using one to break the ice with a baddie at the bar, we have a good feeling it'll land! Read below to find an array of cheesy, fun Valentine's Day jokes to get in on those love-filled laughs.
Best Valentine's Day Dad Jokesmanonallard - Getty Images
"Why do skunks love Valentine's Day?" "Because they're scent-ual!"
"Do you know what they say about vampire romances?" "It was love at first bite."
"What did one grizzly say to the other?" "I love you bear-y much."
"Who always has a date for Valentine's Day?" "A calendar."
"What did one row boat ask the other?" "Are you down for a little row-mance?"
"What kind of dinner should you eat on Valentine's Day?" "A heart-y one."
"What do the French give each other for Valentine's Day?" "A big quiche."
"What did one tortoise say when the other one asked it to be their Valentine?" "Turt-ally."
"What did one Hershey's bar say to the other when they arrived 15 minutes past their reservation time?" "You're choco-late."
"How would you describe a colorful heart that has a collection of books?" "Well-red."
"What did one piece of toast say to the other?" "You're my butter half."
"How did the teen girl describe her goalie-boyfriend?" "As a real keeper."
"What did the calculator say to the pen?" "You can count on me."
"Why did the two scientists end up together?" "They had real chemistry."
"Why shouldn't you ask a pastry chef to be your Valentine?" "He'll dessert you."
"Why did the man get arrested?" "He stole his date's heart."
"Why did Cupid pick up an artichoke from the farmer's market?" "It's got a good heart."
"What did magnet say to the refrigerator?" "I find you very attractive."
"Why did the melons have to get married in a church?" "Because they cantelope."
"What do you call someone who falls ill on Valentine's Day?" "Lovesick."
"What did the sheep say to his Valentine?" "I love ewe."
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"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Olive." "Olive who?" "Olive you!"
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Al." "Al who?" "Al be your Valentine if you'll be mine."
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Frank." "Frank who?" "Frank you for being my Valentine."
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Peas." "Peas who?" "Peas be my Valentine."
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Kiss." "Kiss who?" "Me, silly!"
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Arthur." "Arthur who?" "Arthur any Valentine's gifts for me?"
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Water." "Water who?" "Water you doing on Valentine's Day?"
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Russian." "Russian who?" "I'm Russian to be your Valentine."
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Wendy." "Wendy who?" "Wendy you want to go on a date?"
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Pizza." "Pizza who?" "You have a pizza my heart."
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Soda." "Soda who?" "Soda you want to be my Valentine?"
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Will you stop crying if I ask you to be my Valentine?"
FOTOGRAFIA INC. - Getty Images
"Of course I have a date for Valentine's Day—it's February 14."
"Did you hear about the bedbugs who just got engaged? They're getting married in the spring!"
"Do you know Cupid's favorite classic rock band? It's Heart."
"Two antennae got married last Valentine's Day. I'm unsure about the ceremony, but I heard the reception was great!"
"Is your name Chapstick? Because I think you're da balm."
"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Wife/Husband material."
"Loving you is like having a pair of dentures—I can't smile without you!"
"If we were cats, I'd want to spend all of our nine lives together."
"If you were a triangle, you'd be a-cute one."
"You're like water—I need you to survive."
"If you were in a deck of cards, you'd be the queen of my heart."
"No need to pay rent this month—you're living in my mind rent-free."
"Is your name Autumn? Because I am falling for you."
"I bought you a latte, because words cannot espresso what you mean to me."
"You must be a volcano, because I lava you."
"I just got off the phone with the police—I told them you stole my heart."
"You remind me of Star Wars, because Yoda only one for me."
"I tried to warp up how much I love you, but they don't make gift boxes that big."
"My dentist just called—she said you've given me a cavity because you're so sweet."
"Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm so happy I swiped right on you."
"If you were an angle, you'd be a 90 degree one, because this just feels right."
"You look like you could use some vitamin me."
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13 Funny Prank Texts To Send To Friends
Any day's a good day to send a prank text to your friends. Of course, it's always fun to pull a fast one on actual April Fool's Day and confuse the heck out of them with a fun little trick — you know, the kind that has you smiling devilishly down at your phone as you type. But feel free to send prank texts any time of year. Why? Because that's when they'll least expect it.
Once you decide that you would like to add a bit of chaos to the day, go ahead and decide which one of your pals might actually appreciate the joke. You won't want to send a prank text to someone if it's going to truly freak them out. The best pranks (in text form, anyway) are light-hearted and fun and only mildly walk the line of panic, fear, and confusion — unless it's your best friend, of course, in which case all bets are off.
The time of day is also key. If you send the text out of the blue, instead of when you'd usually be chatting, it'll add to the madness and hilarity. Finally, use the fact that you're hidden behind a screen to your full advantage. Take the time to respond to them in the most realistic way, and milk the moment for all its worth. Ready to get them so good? Here are 13 prank text messages you can copy and paste.
"Hello... It's me"
Speak only in song lyrics — think Adele's "Hello" — and see how long it takes your friend to catch on.
You: Hello...
Them: Heyyy, how's it going?
You: It's me...
Them: I know?
That's just an example, though. Feel free to use any lyrics you like.
"You've subscribed to Cat Facts!"
Go to this cat facts website, enter your friend's phone number, and kick back as they become the recipient of anonymous texts from a bot.
Sample cat fact: "A group of kittens is called a 'kindle' while a group of adult cats is called a 'clowder.'"
Bonus points if you never let on that it was you.
"Respond with STOP to opt out."
If you don't want to enter your friend's number into a random website, you can become the Cat Facts bot. Or any bot, for that matter. Come up with a promotional message, complete with coupon offers and prompts — like "Respond with STOP to opt out" — and see how annoyed they get. (If you can somehow manage to change your name in their phone to a fake company name, even better.)
"I just cut my hair!"
Start by excitedly texting your friend that you're finally going to do it, you're finally going to give yourself the haircut you've always wanted. Choose something different from what you have currently, like a fashionable mullet or a pixie cut, then send "progress pics" from your bathroom mirror. Finish by wearing a hat and crying into FaceTime for added effect.
"Who is this?"
Wait for your friend to text and then act like you deleted their number, sort of like you would with an ex. Watch as they try to figure out what they did wrong or ask why you're mad. (This prank likely won't go on for long, but hey — it's still worth it for the fun little shock.)
"OK wow, I have something huge to tell you..."
Send this text, followed by an "omg, this is really tough to say," and then simply *disappear*. Your friend will be left to wonder what major, life-changing announcement is coming their way. The hilarity comes from the relief they'll feel hours (or days) later when you finally admit it was a joke.
"Guys, I just saw something run under the fridge!!!"
If you live with roommates, send a text to the group chat that you just saw something scurry under the fridge. Include a blurry photo as evidence, then say you're terrified and will be hiding in your room until the issue is resolved. Listen as they move the fridge or also hide in their rooms. (Just don't expect them to believe you if there ever really is something under the fridge.)
"I BOUGHT A HOUSE!"
Choose a major purchase — be it a car, a house, etc. — and excitedly text your friend that you just signed the papers and it's all yours! Send a Zillow or AutoTrader link — the more ridiculous and out of your price range, the better — and then engage in award-winning acting as you gush about your new, fancy lifestyle.
"So I got back together with my ex."
If you really want to do them dirty, tell your friend that you got back with your ex. Go into detail about how they called and apologized, and you're heading to their place right now. (Note: This is only funny if your ex was annoying, though, and not toxic.)
"Hey, you watered all my plants, right?"
If you go away for the weekend, follow up with a random friend once you get back home and ask if they did that important chore that you (totally) asked them to do — like watering your plants. Send a photo of one that's crispy and brown (you know you have at least one that actually is) and act like its untimely demise is all their fault. Throw in an "I trusted you!" for good measure.
"Omg, they canceled Euphoria!"
Maybe it's SNL or Bridgerton or Euphoria. Choose a show they deeply love and hit them with the sad, sorry news that it's gone forever.
"Hi hows you're day?"
Throw grammar out the window and only send texts that are blatantly incorrect. Keep using "they're" instead of "their" and "you're" instead of "your" until they just can't take it anymore.
"OK cool. Yea I'll be there with $300."
Send this text then follow up with "Oh crap, that wasn't for you" and watch as your friend tries to figure out what sort of illicit affair you're involved in this time.
Even though they aren't likely to fall for any of these pranks hook, line, and sinker, your friend will (hopefully) appreciate being the recipient of a dumb prank text.
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This article was originally published on April 23, 2021
Tom And Jerry: 80 Years Of Cat V Mouse
By Kelly-Leigh CooperBBC News
A cartoon cat, sick of the annoying mouse living in his home, devises a plot to take him out with a trap loaded with cheese. The mouse, wise to his plan, safely removes the snack and saunters away with a full belly.
You can probably guess what happens next. The story ends as it almost always does: with the cat yelling out in pain as yet another plan backfires.
The plot may be familiar, but the story behind it may not be. From Academy Award wins to secret production behind the Cold War's Iron Curtain - this is how Tom and Jerry, who turn 80 this week, became one of the world's best known double-acts.
The duo was dreamt up from a place of desperation. MGM's animation department, where creators Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera worked, had struggled to emulate the success of other studios who had hit characters like Porky Pig and Mickey Mouse.
Out of boredom, the animators, both aged under 30, began thinking up their own ideas. Barbera said he loved the simple concept of a cat and mouse cartoon, with conflict and chase, even though it had been done countless times before.
Puss gets the Boot was the first they released, in 1940. The debut was a hit and won the studio an Oscar nomination for best animated short. Despite their work, the animators were not credited.
Managers initially told them not to put all their eggs in one basket. A change of heart came only when a letter arrived from an influential industry figure in Texas asking when she would see another one of those "wonderful cat and mouse cartoons".
Jasper and Jinx, as they were first known, became Tom and Jerry.
Sometimes friends, sometimes foes - their slapstick violence appealed to adults in cinema audiences tooAccording to Barbera there was no real discussion about the characters not speaking, but having grown up with silent films starring Charlie Chaplin, the creators knew they could be funny without dialogue. Music composed by Scott Bradley underscored the action and Tom's trademark human-like scream was voiced by Hanna himself.
For the best part of the next two decades, Hanna and Barbera oversaw the production of more than 100 of these shorts. Each took weeks to make and cost up to $50,000 to produce, so only a handful could be made every year.
These Tom and Jerrys are almost universally considered the best, with rich hand-drawn animation and detailed backdrops helping win them seven Academy Awards and cameos in Hollywood feature films.
"I'll bet when you watched them as a child, or even if you look at them right now, you would be hard-pressed to know when they were made," says Jerry Beck, a cartoon historian who has worked in roles across the industry.
"There's something about animation. It's evergreen, it doesn't fade," he says. "A drawing is a drawing, it's like when you go see paintings. Yes, we know they're from the 1800s or 1700s - it doesn't matter and it still speaks to you today."
"That's the thing with these cartoons. What we've learned in time is that they really are great art. They're not disposable throwaway entertainment."
Jerry danced with Gene Kelly in a musical sequence in 1945's Anchors Aweigh The pair also appeared alongside swimmer and actress Esther Williams in 1953's Dangerous When WetWhen producer Fred Quimby retired in the mid-1950s, Hanna and Barbera took over MGM's cartoon department just as budget cuts closed in. Studio bosses, threatened by the growing popularity of television, realised they could make almost as much money by re-issuing the old shorts as they could by making new ones.
When their department was closed down in 1957, Hanna and Barbera set up their own production company.
But only a few years later, MGM decided to revive Tom and Jerry without its original creators. In 1961 they outsourced to a studio in Prague to save on costs. Chicago-born animator Gene Deitch was tasked with heading the remake, but struggled with a tight budget and staff with no knowledge of the original.
His studio also secretly made episodes of other cartoons, including Popeye. Czech names were Americanised on the credits to stop viewers associating the shows with Communism.
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"Because of the Iron Curtain, the animators in the studio here in Prague had never ever even seen a Tom and Jerry cartoon," Deitch later told Radio.Cz.
He knew, being the first to follow up the classics, that he would be "in the line of fire" from fans, and his 13 cartoons are regularly labelled the worst. In interviews Deitch was honest about their bad reputation and revealed he even received a death threat over them.
After him the task fell to Chuck Jones, best known for his work on Looney Tunes at Warner Brothers. Under him, Tom's eyebrows grew thicker and his face more twisted, and was more like the Dr Seuss character the Grinch that Jones also animated.
Chuck Jones was behind 34 shorts made in Hollywood from 1963 to 1967Mark Kausler, 72, is one of many people who have warm memories of Tom and Jerry growing up. He dragged his father to see reels of the shorts, over and over, at his local cinema in St Louis. He began making his own cartoons, partly inspired by the characters, and went onto an extensive animation career of his own.
"So much of it is based on the way they look and the timing and the way the music works and everything," he says. "It was such a wonderful formula, the way everything interconnected."
"And when they tried to disassemble and reassemble it with another crew and with another type of designer and other comedy - it just rings inauthentic to me, if you know what I mean."
Kausler worked on dozens of productions, including Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Felix the CatHe came a little too late into the industry to work on Tom and Jerry itself, but remembers the excitement of the "monumental" moment Hanna and Barbera showed up to his animation school.
At MGM, television had been seen as a "bad word", but after going it alone Hanna and Barbera pivoted into the platform. With longer episodes and smaller budgets, they adapted their animation style and used tricks to save time and money.
Their cartoons dominated children's television for decades. They first found success in the early 1960s with characters like Huckleberry Hound and Yogi Bear and soon, more hits like The Flintstones, Top Cat and Scooby Doo followed.
In the 1970s the pair returned to Tom and Jerry. By then, many of the early episodes were considered "too violent" under fresh guidelines issued to networks. New episodes, with the duo as friends, never lived up to the success of the originals.
Hanna (left) and Barbera (right) tried to hire back as many of their MGM staff as they could The Jetsons were among a string of television hits created by their pair in the 1960sLike other cartoons of the time, the show's legacy has also been complicated by long-standing criticism of its depictions of race. In particular, the character of "Mammy Two Shoes" - a black housemaid with an exaggerated southern accent usually seen from the waist down - has been labelled an offensive racial caricature. Parts of the series also contain jokes using blackface and derogatory depictions of Asians and native Americans.
When the originals were broadcast on US television in the 1960s, some scenes were edited out with "Mammy" replaced with new characters added by Jones's team. Today the worst-offending episodes are usually cut from re-release collections and streaming platforms. Attention was drawn to this in 2014 when Amazon Prime Instant Video added a "racial prejudice" warning to the series.
Tom and Jerry, with its slapstick violence and dark comedy, remains extremely popular around the world today. It can be found on children's television everywhere from Japan to Pakistan and a new mobile phone game has more than 100m users in China.
The show has also, surprisingly, found itself in news headlines. In 2016, a top Egyptian official tried to blame the cartoon for rising violence in the Middle East and Iran's Supreme Leader has compared their US relations to Tom and Jerry at least twice.
Tom and Jerry is still very popular in India, where it is broadcast in several languages A painting of Tom and Jerry seen in Iraq's Domiz refugee camp in 2014As a regular on the BBC schedule for decades, it became particularly well liked in the UK and a 2015 poll named Tom and Jerry as the most popular cartoon in Britain among adults.
In the 80 years since their creation, the cat and mouse have appeared in everything from a "kids" version to a 1992 musical movie where they sang and spoke.
Bill Hanna died in 2001 and Joe Barbera passed away in 2006. A year before his death, Barbera was credited for the last time on a Tom and Jerry short - which was also his first without his former partner.
"We understood each other perfectly, and each of us had deep respect for the other's work," he said of their working relationship.
Tom and Jerry: The Movie had a disappointing box office run in 1992 A new version of the show, animated by flash instead of being hand-drawn, has been broadcast since 2014.Warner Brothers, who now own the rights to Tom and Jerry, will release a new live-action film just before Christmas this year. Not much is known about the project, except that actors including Chloë Grace Moretz and Ken Jeong have signed on.
For Jerry Beck, Tom and Jerry's enduring appeal comes in part from the character's universal relatability.
"I think most people can identify with little Jerry because there's always an oppressor in our lives," he says.
"We always have someone, our boss, our landlord, politics - whatever it is. And we're just trying to live our lives and somebody wants to disturb it."
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