10 Comedians to Catch at Netflix Is a Joke Festival 2024

"There Really Is Nothing Funnier Than A Fart Joke": Ramy Youssef, Taylor Tomlinson, Alex Edelman And The Stand-Up Roundtable

The six comedians who gathered for THR's first Stand-Up Emmy Roundtable insist they don't worry about their comedy being fact-checked in this moment. Sure, the sextet — Mike Birbiglia, Alex Edelman, Jacqueline Novak, Jenny Slate, Taylor Tomlinson and Ramy Youssef — read The New Yorker profile of Hasan Minhaj from last September that said he exaggerated or made up stories for effect in his specials. But several present suggest the hullabaloo was at best confusing and at worst absurd. "It speaks to a massive integrity void in our society that we look at entertainers and stand-ups the way that we do," says Youssef. "A politician talks, and the [common person] is like, 'Yeah, he's probably lying,' and then they're like, 'But this comedian!' " The hourlong conversation at The Georgian Hotel moved beyond emotional truths, of course, as the funnymen and women got deadly serious about their deepest fears, their evolving bucket lists and their complicated impulses to make comedy out of tragedy.

You're standing onstage and you look out at the audience. Describe the audience member that you dread the most.

JACQUELINE NOVAK A man! Sorry, I couldn't resist.

MIKE BIRBIGLIA It depends on the joke, because if you tell a joke that is fundamentally crossing a line of some sort … Like, I have a joke in my new hour where I say, "I love my daughter so much. I do not like her friends." I go, "I don't know if you've met any 8-year-olds you're not related to, but this is an insufferable bunch. When I'm with her friends, it makes me really not understand pedophilia." And it's a joke.

ALEX EDELMAN Obviously it's a joke.

NOVAK It's amazing.

BIRBIGLIA But if an audience does not laugh, I go, "Oh no, this has become not a joke."

RAMY YOUSSEF I thought you were going to say you didn't want to see an 8-year-old in the crowd.

EDELMAN I thought you were going to say you don't want to see a pedophile in the crowd.

NOVAK But so many people have that look.

BIRBIGLIA Oh my God.

Who do the rest of you dread seeing in the audience?

NOVAK The figure in the joke.

TAYLOR TOMLINSON I think anybody you know is a really good answer. I've had people from high school come and sit in the front row, and you're like, "No, please not there."

NOVAK Why did they do that?

EDELMAN They think they're supporting you.

TOMLINSON They do, and they are, and we appreciate it. But I'm just like, "Sit halfway back, right when the darkness starts." And any folded pair of arms in the front row, no matter who they're attached to, you're kind of like (winces), "Let's unfold those over the course of the night."

BIRBIGLIA People you know are not who you want in a stand-up comedy audience. Jacqueline and I toured together, and we always compared it to being an exotic dancer or a stripper. It's like, you don't really want your friends to be there when you're stripping.

JENNY SLATE Your non-comedy friends?

BIRBIGLIA Your non-stripping friends.

EDELMAN Maybe they tip more, though.

Mike Birbiglia; Styled by Rima Vaidila. Brooks Brothers suit; Zegna sweater. Grooming by Fabiola. Photographed by Beau Grealy

Jacqueline, did I read that you check the names of who's there each night? That sounds risky….

NOVAK Not every night. But the night before opening my show at Cherry Lane, I was very nervous and I started looking at the names, the ticket sales. Like, literally, I'm a log-in girl. I like to get into the backend and see it all alive.

EDELMAN That's scarier to me.

NOVAK And I just went through names I didn't know. I remember one, [in a dramatic voice] Laura Breath.

SLATE Is that a real name?!

NOVAK And I just sat there with John Early, who was directing it, and I was like, "Laura Breath. Who is that? Where is she?"

BIRBIGLIA Let this be a warning to all future comedy audience members: We're watching you!

Does anyone else check to see who's coming?

SLATE I would never look at the list. Way too scared.

NOVAK I swear I did it one night. One night!

TOMLINSON I mean, I don't have famous people coming to my shows. I think I'm the only person here who hasn't met Taylor Swift…

NOVAK The silence is humiliating.

How do you all define a bad show? There have got to be some memorable disasters in this bunch.

YOUSSEF For me, it just feels like not connecting with the people who were there. So, if I'm just saying things I could have said to myself in my hotel room, it's a pretty bad show. I feel like I didn't give people what they needed because I wasn't able to get present enough. I've gotten to a point where if I'm not ready to fully be myself, I'll just stay home.

EDELMAN At the Comedy Cellar, sometimes a bad show is a show where you fucking crush. You go up there and destroy, people are like, "Great set," and you're like, "No, I wanted to try new stuff." But I tried a half-new joke and it didn't work and I lost faith, so I was like, "Well, here's 15 minutes of stuff that I know is going to do well." It's like a figure skating routine — success is not based on what they land but on what they said they'd do ahead of time and whether or not they met it.

A lot of you have talked openly about your embrace of therapy. I'm curious, what catharsis do you get from stand-up that therapy doesn't supply? Taylor?

TOMLINSON Oh my gosh, I was just sitting here going, "I'm so glad I didn't tackle this bad show question," because Ramy and Alex had these very artistic answers and I was thinking, "acoustics are pretty important, a high ceiling is a nightmare."

NOVAK I mean, you're not wrong.

TOMLINSON "When you crush, it can be a bad show"?! I was like (feigns horror), "Oh no!" (Laughter.)

NOVAK "When you're at the Comedy Cellar …" Nope, not passed. [Editor's note: Being passed means, among other things, that you get paid to perform at the club.]

EDELMAN You can't be passed without auditioning!

BIRBIGLIA Wait (turns to Novak), can I tell the actual story of this?

NOVAK What is it?

BIRBIGLIA I got the [Comedy Cellar] owner to come to your show. Loved it. I said, "Can she call in avails to the club?" "Absolutely. Anytime. I think she's hilarious." You never did.

NOVAK No! I remember you said, "I sent him to the show and he liked it."

BIRBIGLIA No, loved it.

NOVAK And said, like, "Those jokes will work at the club."

BIRBIGLIA Passed. Call in!

EDELMAN You have a winning lottery ticket you haven't cashed yet.

NOVAK Holy shit.

SLATE I haven't done it. Too afraid.

NOVAK I am, too.

Jenny Slate; Anna Quan jacket; Collina Strada dress; No 6 pants, Catbird jewelry. Hair by Ryan Richman; makeup by Kirin Bhatty. Photographed by Beau Grealy

What are you afraid of?

SLATE I can be overly concerned with having to do what's important to me within an environment that feels set. And sometimes — and I'm not saying this is necessarily true and it can sound like a cop-out — but if something feels old-school male …

NOVAK Mm-hm.

SLATE And I'm not saying everybody that goes there is that way, but there is a part of me that's like, "I reserve the right to say this is not important to me." I just want a stage where, for me, I can get past the things that separate me from other people. Which is also, by the way, why I go to therapy. To try to achieve intimacy, which also means not hating parts of myself. If you think part of yourself is essentially bad, you'll probably hide it, which means that then you can't be truly intimate. And everyone does whatever we're doing for different reasons, but for me, I'm like, I'm sensitive. I already feel bad enough. It's not because I'm undeveloped, it's just the kind of mammal I am. And I just don't want to go into a legendary place and feel like I'm not good enough. But also, for real, I can't do less than a 48-minute set. (Laughter.)

NOVAK Totally!

SLATE I could never audition for the comedy festivals or whatever because they're like, "Bring five minutes." It would just be like, "I don't have that for you. It's just not what I'm like; I'm a long-distance runner on this one." And I don't want to be in plays, but I do want to stand onstage and talk for a long time.

NOVAK Maybe that's why I didn't internalize the [Comedy Cellar] opportunity. Because when you guys talk about giving 15 minutes that you know works, I'm like, "Tell me about that 15 minutes." I'm like 46 to lure them in, 47th minute, you got them. Boom.

SLATE The people I've done comedy with for years will be like, "No, Jenny, you can do 15 minutes. You just don't." And it's like, "Yeah, but it feels like if I do this one [bit], then I'm not going to be able to go to sleep for three days unless I do that one [bit]. But if I do that one, then I have to do the other one." So, I don't know, maybe I have OCD.

Taylor, you've said that audiences weren't as interested in hearing you tackle darker subject matter like your mother dying when you were younger. How did you gauge that and when did it shift?

TOMLINSON I just started really young, so watching a 19-year-old do stand-up at all is very uncomfortable — people are already scared for you and nervous about the show. So, I don't think I had the maturity as a performer to pull those jokes off. It took a few years of performing anywhere and everywhere you could.

Taylor Tomlinson; Styled by Tara Swennen. Halo jumpsuit; Electric Picks, Melinda Maria, 8 Other Reasons jewelry. Hair by Kiki Heitkotter; makeup by Amber Dreadon. Photographed by Beau Grealy

How do you know when it's not working?

TOMLINSON People aren't laughing, and it's devastating. It's what I would call a bad show. For other people, it's when people are laughing too much and you're like, "None of this is new!" (Laughter.) No, it's when people are sad and uncomfortable and looking at you, like, "Are you almost done?" What's so great about stand-up is that you know pretty quickly if something does or doesn't work.

Are there subjects that the rest of you have felt audiences won't go to with you?

NOVAK Yeah. But Birbigs said something to me, like, "There's your agenda and then the audience's agenda or the booker's agenda, work your agenda." For me, that meant, I'm going to put [my show] up in New York, but [I need to work it out first and so] I'm doing it at The Juke Box in Peoria and I know it's not going to [land well.] I mean, some people might find it interesting, but I'm planting my feet and saying the words and I'm maybe burning my chance in the room. Or I did it at The Punch Line in Philly and my boyfriend, we talk about it now, and he's like, "Yeah, the way you went up in Philly and just bombed, and it was great because you had to do the thing you did." I was like, "I bombed?" I was always like, "What do you mean? I stood up there doing my art."

BIRBIGLIA Mm-hm.

NOVAK It was almost delusion, required delusion. But this phrase, "my agenda," really helped me almost not listen to the crowd, and it was huge for me. "My agenda. Doesn't matter, tonight, everyone in this room might hate me, this club will never hire me again." And I had a lot of bad nights before [her run at the Cherry Lane Theatre], nights where I had to just stand there and say my words and get them in my head.

For all of you, what felt, at the time, like the riskiest bit?

BIRBIGLIA I did a show called The New One. It was on Netflix, and it was about all the reasons I never wanted to have a child and about how I had a child and all the ways that I was right and then I was wrong. It's an emotional turn, and there's a moment where I say, "At my darkest moments, I thought, I get why dads leave." (Laughter.) See, comedians laugh at that. Humans don't. There were times early in the process of that joke where the audience felt almost betrayed by the show — that I led them down a comedic path and then all of a sudden I'm essentially [making] my deepest, darkest, dark-night-of-the-soul confession. I even had a prominent reviewer say, "He lost me when he said he gets why dads leave."

NOVAK I smiled when you said that because I'm like, "That's cool, Mike." I'm really proud of you for losing him because you know how to get him back.

SLATE Because you have to see, right? I had the thing, after I had my baby, where I was trying to talk about the changes in my body, but I didn't want it to sound cliché — like "after the baby" body material. But also, there was some stuff that really weirded me out about my own body and it was really hard to do the material because it was uncomfortable. Sometimes I'd do it and it would hit the right spot, and sometimes it would just seem like I didn't like myself and I was asking people to be like, "Yeah, you're ugly and your body sucks as well." I couldn't figure it out. Eventually, I gave up and I really regret it now. But I just didn't want that feeling of — the word that comes to mind for me is "abomination." "She made us eat shit with her. We thought we were invited to a party with cake and she shat and she made us eat her fucking shit." It's like, "Oh my God, I just wanted to talk about how my nipples used to be for sex and now they're not."

BIRBIGLIA That's why comedians like spending time with other comedians. It took comedian friends saying to me, like, "No, no, go toward that, say the thing that's really deep in your subconscious." Audiences will be like, "Yeah, easy on that."

YOUSSEF But then, on the other end of figuring out the joke, the audience is so happy that you did. But, yeah, there's that middle, like growing your hair out, where it's just a little weird.

Is there a clear third rail for each of you?

TOMLINSON I don't do jokes about people in my family or friends of mine or people I'm dating without running it past them. Because I just don't think it's worth destroying your relationships for 90 seconds. When I was 21, I was like, "Burn it all down to be a legend." But then you get older and you're like, "Oh, I'm alone."

YOUSSEF I always have to be dragging myself into it if I'm talking about somebody else. It's never really about anyone other than myself, and I think that's kind of the solo act of it. But I don't know, none of this is that risky.

EDELMAN It's also tricky because all the power is in the third rail. Some comics are like, "There are all these things you can't talk about anymore," and it's actually more exciting. Comedy is about the buildup and release of tension, and you have free tension.

Alex Edelman; Styled by Mark Holmes. Paul Smith suit, polo. Grooming by Jenna Nelson. Photographed by Beau Grealy

Alex, after October 7, you called one of your producers and asked if you should just cancel the rest of your shows because, you said, "Who can dance in the slaughterhouse?" Did it actually feel that way when you went back onstage?

EDELMAN It was a complicated moment, and it remains a complicated moment. (To Youssef) We can edit this out if you want, but Ramy was one of the first people to call me and we had a really amazing, really fulsome, helpful-for-me conversation, and I really appreciated that. It was hard and it's made me more mindful of the fact that it's still hard. After a while you get inured to human suffering, because that's the way that thing works, but I've been constantly reminded not to, which has made it difficult getting onstage. I had a conversation with Mike after, where I was like, "What do you do? Do you change the show?" And I thought that the best thing to do is make the show conversant with the moment that we're living in but still an escape from it. But it makes me sad. (Edelman gets briefly emotional) So, it's really tough, but at some point going onstage and talking about not that feels like a real problem. And I'm glad we didn't cancel the shows. Right before I went onstage in San Francisco for that first show after October 7, I was standing in the back of the room, and I just saw a thousand people on their phones watching a war and I was like, "OK, maybe [doing this show] is a better thing to do than not. At least it's getting people away from a war for an hour and a half." But I wrestled with whether or not this is right all the way through, and I put some new lines in to talk about this feeling.

Ramy Youssef; Styled by Ilaria Urbinati. Todd Snyder jacket; vintage shirt; Cotton Citizen tee; King & Tuckfield pants; London Sock Co socks; Gucci shoes; his own hat and glasses. Grooming by Anna Bernabe. Photographed by Beau Grealy

Ramy, you were also doing shows at the time, and you spent the first few minutes of each talking about how you weren't sure you should be there. What did you learn about yourself and your audience in those performances?

YOUSSEF My audience has always been open for these conversations, and it's why I've never felt stand-up is actually that risky — I've kind of always been in conversation with an audience that has a really global perspective about tragedy and suffering. And there is a way to go at it that leads with connecting hearts, because the news is very much talking heads, and, literally, it's mental and what we get to do gets to be emotional. So, it's very liberating. And anytime anything gets too factual or even too overtly historical, I'm just like, "This stopped being comedy."

EDELMAN Mm-hm.

YOUSSEF And it's interesting because my special is much different than what I thought it was going to be. I probably left 40 minutes of other material on the table because I felt like, "If I'm actually present with the moment and with the audience, there's something totally different that they should be hearing." And we've talked about this, but I went and saw Alex's show, and he has a diverse audience but also a really Jewish audience.

EDELMAN What?! (Laughs.)

YOUSSEF That was really fun for me because there'd be a bunch of Orthodox Jews who were like, "Yo, dude, I've seen your show," because we pray a lot on my show [Hulu's Ramy] and Orthodox Jews like praying.

EDELMAN Three times a day, they're obsessed.

YOUSSEF They're like, "Wait, we do a version of that." But then the same thing with my audience, obviously there are a lot of people who are Muslim. So, I've always felt that there is a space to have where you're talking to people who need to hear a specific thing they can't hear somewhere else and also challenging them to hear something that they might not want to hear and getting to play with that. That is what's fun about it, and it's the very little thing that we can do. I constantly contend with how important that piece is. And a lot of the language around that can feel a little hard for me to stomach when there are people who really put themselves on the line to try and help the world, because I'm always going for the joke. So, the space I want to have in the conversation is really small. Like, really small. I want to be like the doorman, letting people into a room where there are actual interesting things happening.

There's a big conversation around truth in this moment. Do you worry about being fact-checked?

BIRBIGLIA After the Hasan article came out in The New Yorker, I got a lot of text messages that said, "I hope you jumped through that second-story window," referencing a show I did many years ago where I jumped through a second-story window.

EDELMAN I heard it was a first-story window. (Laughs.)

BIRBIGLIA I don't know about you guys, but that was definitely something people wanted to talk to me about a lot after that piece. And I love Hasan, and I think the intent of that writer remains very nebulous in why they'd write that. It's very confusing to me.

YOUSSEF Yeah, it's not a thing to fact-check. I don't want to break anyone's heart.

BIRBIGLIA It's not something people do. I think you have a sense of what level of truth the person is telling and you take a guess and sometimes you're right and sometimes you're wrong.

YOUSSEF Of course.

SLATE It's also really interesting in terms of what's true to you. I thought a lot about this when that article came out because I was like, "Everything in my special is true, but a lot of it also is about my perception." I didn't hear what the people who decided to send me an audition to be Pennywise actually thought when they did that. I just showed how confounded I felt but also humiliated.

YOUSSEF It's all about the how, though. And I have to say this, because we're in this comedy thing: The first-ever one-person show I saw was Jenny's at UCB. It literally made me go, "I want to do that." I was 17 or 18.

ALL Aw.

YOUSSEF I just loved how you did it and it was all about that raw energy. And I think that's all that this is. So, to fact-check it is so weird because I think it speaks to a larger integrity problem. We have a spiritual void, as a society, because for the common person, a politician talks and they're like, "Yeah, he's probably lying." But then they're like, "But this comedian!" So, I don't care. I don't care where Mike jumped from. I don't care if Alex actually went to a meeting [of white nationalists, which is the premise of his show]. It doesn't matter because it's all about what the approach is and the how and why you're approaching it that way. And, at the end of the day, there really is nothing funnier than a fart joke, and that should tell you something about this whole art form.

SLATE I agree. There's nothing funnier than a fart joke.

YOUSSEF Like, it's proven. The best part of any of our specials would be if we shit our pants, it would be the funniest thing.

ALL (Nod heads in agreement.)

Jenny referenced Pennywise, so I'm curious, do you feel Hollywood knows what to do with all of you?

BIRBIGLIA I think a hard-core "no" over here. (Laughs.)

Early on, you got a CBS pilot, which I'm guessing was the thing you thought you wanted?

BIRBIGLIA In my 20s, I just wanted to be a star. Then, at 30, I was given my own sitcom at CBS, and they shot the pilot and Bob Odenkirk played my brother and Nick Kroll played my cousin and it was like, "Oh my God, I can't believe it." And then by the time it went through the factory that is the studios and networks, it just wasn't my life, it wasn't my creative vision and it didn't get picked up to air. And thank God. I went back to New York, I mounted [his first comedy show] Sleepwalk With Me. Nathan Lane put his name and reputation behind it, and it changed my life.

EDELMAN And then you did that for us, too. [Birbiglia produces Edelman's and Novak's shows.]

YOUSSEF Did you want to do a late night show, Taylor?

TOMLINSON No, I only ever wanted to tour theaters. I took After Midnight because they were like, "We film Monday through Wednesday, so you can tour on the weekends." And once you're on tour by yourself, you don't see other comedians much, so I was like, "Oh, you can just play around with other comedians on TV for half the week? That sounds great."

What did the rest of you come into this business thinking you wanted, and how has it changed?

EDELMAN I always wanted to be seen. There's a romance in being seen. And longform [comedy] so works for me because I require a good amount of explanation. People are like, "What are you?" (Laughs.) And I'm like, "Here, let me just talk for an hour and then maybe you'll see."

NOVAK The brass ring for me was an hour special on HBO like Chris Rock. I mean, that was it — the center of my vision board. And not that it's a constant question of, "OK, if I died tomorrow," but [now, having put out an hour,] I'd feel a lot better dying tomorrow than I would've felt five years ago. It's like, "OK, we got one on the fucking books."

Jacqueline Novak; Tibi shirt, shorts; YSL shoes. Hair by Greg Lennon; makeup by Nick Lennon. Photographed by Beau Grealy

What's left on everyone else's bucket list?

TOMLINSON This isn't an answer, but (to Youssef) it was cool to see you on SNL. You were so good.

YOUSSEF Thank you. It was surreal.

BIRBIGLIA That's Taylor's bucket list, to see Ramy on SNL.

TOMLINSON And I can die now.

NOVAK Mine is to see Jenny at the Comedy Cellar.

EDELMAN Telling setup-punchline jokes.

NOVAK You know I'm making a joke, right? It's not like I missed the point deeply.

SLATE I do. Oh yeah.

TOMLINSON Was that a bucket list for you, Ramy?

YOUSSEF Yeah, SNL is still SNL.

EDELMAN That was one of the first things I thought, hosting SNL. I almost was like (to Slate), "What's being on SNL like?"

SLATE That probably was my bucket list. It's weird to get the bucket list and then be like, "Oh, I guess I'm not sure it was what I wanted." But, yeah, if I hadn't been on it, I'd be trying to be on it still. And when I watch it, I still feel magical about it.

This story first appeared in the June 19 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine. Click here to subscribe.

183 Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Kind Of Funny

Out of all comedy sub-genres, there's none that get quite the reaction than that of dad jokes — not because they're necessarily funny but usually for their undeniable ability to provoke the most deep, profound level of cringe. Nonetheless, dad jokes are beloved (prized, even!) fatherly rite of passage. These cheeky little quips are the "dogs that are so ugly, they're cute" of jokes: they're unfunny enough that you can't help but laugh. (Albeit while you groan and roll your eyes... But laugh all the same.)

The key is in the anticlimactic nature of the setup and punchline. It's in the absolute reaching to make a pun fit. The overly simplistic humor is generally the most enjoyed by the joke-teller themself as they provoke defeated sighs out of whoever will listen.

If out-dad-joking your father, uncle, grandpa, or simply a dad-joke-loving friend is of high priority, here are some of the dad-jokiest of dad jokes to ever dad joke. These bad boys will earn the jokester either a sympathy laugh, a grimace, or even a slow-rolling tear down the cheek of whoever was unlucky enough to bear witness to such comedic disgrace.

Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually (Kind Of) Funny

Catherine Falls Commercial/Moment/Getty Images

As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't the right choice.

Went to the bar tonight. Good times. Only a 15-minute walk. But the walk home took 45 minutes, the difference was staggering.

I recently took a pole. And found that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

Punniest Dad Jokes

Delmaine Donson/E+/Getty Images

Son: "Dad, can you please explain to me what a solar eclipse is?" Dad: "No sun."

Why did the man fall down the well? He couldn't see that well.

I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to win. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

Where do you take someone who's been in a peek-a-boo accident? The ICU.

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory? There was nothing left but debris.

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

Cringiest Dad Jokes

Ippei Naoi/Moment/Getty Images

Did you hear the joke about paper? Never mind, it's tear-able.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh, sheet.

What was even more useful than the first telephone? The second telephone.

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

Went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden.

Worst Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Delmaine Donson/E+/Getty Images

Have you heard of the new sport called quiet tennis? It's like normal tennis but without the racket.

Why did the god of thunder need to stretch his legs? He was a little Thor.

What's the least spoken language? Sign language.

What building in your town has the most stories? The public library.

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I'm going to the beer store and I'm scared it will be closed.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

Silly Dad Jokes

Daniel Garrido/Moment/Getty Images

What has five toes but isn't your foot? My foot.

What looks like half a tree? The other half.

Two guys walked into a bar... The third one ducked.

Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf? In case they get a hole in one.

Funny Dad Jokes

RichLegg/E+/Getty Images

What do you call a Frenchman who has been attacked by a cat? Claude.

My 6-year-old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill. Looks like she's preparing some kind of barbie queue.

How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? Easy, one will see you later, the other will see you in a while.

Dad Jokes About Food

10'000 Hours/DigitalVision/Getty Images

Someone told me that it's impossible to make a pun about vegetables. I said that's not nececelery true.

My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk!

Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!

What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where's Pop Corn?

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

I tried all morning to cook up an egg-related pun, but I couldn't crack it.

How do you make an apple turnover? Push it downhill.

Dad Jokes For Kids

Ippei Naoi/Moment/Getty Images

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.

I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels. She said, "Yes, try Sarah Topps."

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey.... But I turned myself around.

Dad Jokes About Animals

Catherine Falls Commercial/Moment/Getty Images

Why couldn't the pony sing a lullaby? Because she was a little horse.

What do you say when a chicken is looking at salad? Chicken sees a salad.

What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.

Where would you find an elephant? The same place you lost her.

What's a dog's favorite super hero? Labra-Thor.

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!

A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back. "I am a turtle," he says. "Who's on your back?" "That's Michelle."

Why aren't dogs allowed in bars? Because they can't control their licker.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.

Dad Jokes About Sports

AleksandarNakic/E+/Getty Images

Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball? If he raises them both, he'd fall down.

Where does a majority of a hockey player's salary come from? The tooth fairy.

I kept wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.

What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.

Why don't football players were glasses? It's a contact sport.

Why couldn't the baby score in basketball? He was always dribbling.

What's the best animal in soccer? A score-pion.

Dad Jokes For Birthdays

Ippei Naoi/Moment/Getty Images

What happens if no one turns up to your birthday party? You get to have you cake and eat it, too.

Why didn't the teddy bear eat any of its birthday cake? Because it was already stuffed!

Why don't kids remember their past birthday parties? They're too focused on the present!

What type of party do you throw for a dog's birthday? A ball.

What are you if you go to a ghost birthday party? The life of the party!

Dad Jokes About Candles

FG Trade Latin/E+/Getty Images

Do you know why I get heartburn when I eat birthday cake? I always forget to blow out the candles!

Why do people put birthday candles on top of a birthday cake? Because you can't put them on the bottom, can you?!

What kind of candle burns longer than others? None, silly — they all burn shorter.

Why do candles love birthdays? They like to get lit.

Dad Jokes About Weddings

Digital Vision./Photodisc/Getty Images

I went to a really emotional wedding last week, even the cake was in tiers.

My antenna married my neighbor's antenna. The wedding was not so good as this one, but the reception was fantastic!

Dad Jokes About Getting Married

Klaus Vedfelt/DigitalVision/Getty Images

What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married? Can't elope.

Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.

Did you hear about the two florists who got married? It was an arranged marriage.

Two cannonballs got married this morning. I hear they're already expecting BBs.

I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.

Dad Jokes About Body & Mind

andreswd/E+/Getty Images

Dad: Well, you know what they say, the memory is the second thing to go. Son: What's the first? Dad: I forget.

Stop thinking of them as "hot flashes." Think of them as your inner child playing with matches.

I told my doctor I could only hear buzzing. He said don't worry, it's just a bug going around.

Dad Jokes About Getting Older

hobo_018/E+/Getty Images

How is the moon like dentures? Both come out at night.

What do you call someone who enjoys Mondays? Retired.

If you lose something in a senior care home, don't stop looking until you've searched every nook and granny.

An old woman is sitting at a bar when an older gentleman sits down beside her. "So," he says, "Do I come here often?"

Dad Jokes About Being Old

Ippei Naoi/Moment/Getty Images

What is a prize old people can win for aging? Atrophy.

Now that I've gotten older, everything's finally starting to click for me. My knees, my back, my neck…

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

Dad Jokes About Relationships

FG Trade/E+/Getty Images

My wife found a spider in our house and told me to take it out, so I did. We had a few drinks, pretty nice guy.

My wife screamed, "You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?!" What a weird place to start a conversation.

My wife is mad I keep introducing her as my "ex-girlfriend". So I went with "ex-fiancé" instead.

Wife: "Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?" Husband: "How can I? I don't even know her."

Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn't her type.

Dad Jokes That Provoke A Good-Natured Eye Roll

Counter/DigitalVision/Getty Images

1. I recently visited the "World's Tiniest Wind Turbine" exhibit. Honestly, not a big fan.

2. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.

Dad Jokes About Haircuts

FG Trade Latin/E+/Getty Images

How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

"Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"

Dad Jokes About Work

Ugur Karakoc/E+/Getty Images

Why did the construction workers always bring a pencil to lunch? They wanted to draw their own conclusions!

Why did the sandwich get a promotion? Because he was the best thing since sliced bread.

Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? They took a day off.

I used to work for the paper business. But then it folded.

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out nobody thought I was fare.

Dad Jokes About Father's Day

Frazao Studio Latino/E+/Getty Images

What did the baby computer say to its dad on Father's Day? Happy Father's Day, Data!

Why don't they have Father's Day sales? Because fathers are priceless.

Why did the kids give their dad a blanket for Father's Day? Because they thought he was the coolest dad.

Dad Jokes About Parenthood

FG Trade/E+/Getty Images

"Today my son asked me, 'Can I have a bookmark'? I burst into tears — he's 12 years old and still doesn't know my name!"

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? "Bison!