50 Of The Best Prank Ideas For April Fools
Cat Ladies And Dog-eating: MAGA Can't Quit The Weird Talk About Pets
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Generated by cloudfront (CloudFront) Request ID: _3jPGr8xnJrRz54RL1tpTvGapE35_Uw6y0ifp56IiCy1tHU8JG_Fvw==We Don't Have To Tolerate Weird Foreigners Eating Our Pets
I'm going to take a controversial stand: I don't think we should import hordes of Third World peasants who want to eat our cats and dogs. That's just me. I know some people feel differently. Many of them dwell around me here near Los Angeles. Most, in fact, live with their own delicious cats, with whom they share Chardonnay and reruns of "Grey's Anatomy." They are unsatisfied liberal wine women who love nothing more than the tingle of moral superiority when they impose hardship on fellow Americans who they consider lesser beings – and American citizens like you and I are those lesser beings. These are terrible people whose bizarre neopagan ideology has done nothing but cause grievous damage to America. They should be ignored when they are not being actively mocked. One thing they should never be is handed the ability to have any influence on our government whatsoever.
They are Kamala Harris's base, and we need to stop them.
Now, who's shocked that when you fly – we actually flew them here; they didn't have to swim or anything – 20,000 inhabitants of that notorious Third World hellhole Haiti into a nice, normal Midwestern American town of 60,000, it turns into a nightmare? Of course, it turned into a nightmare. Anybody could see it was going to turn into a nightmare. Even the people who did it knew it would turn into a nightmare. In fact, the nightmare part was a feature, not a bug. The elites didn't care what happened to their fellow Americans. They had their own reasons for orchestrating this ravenous tsunami of pet-chomping immigrants. Was it to eventually add what they expected to be 20,000 new Democrat voters? That was certainly part of it. But there was something else, something more malicious. Springfield, Ohio, where this Haitian hellscape is happening, is deep red. This was a punishment inflicted upon fellow Americans for the crime of not being sufficiently submissive to the Democrat elite.
You don't see these aliens being deposited in deep Democrat blue Martha's Vineyard. Remember when Ron DeSantis sent them a busload of a few dozen illegals? The elite residents almost soiled themselves like Joe Biden after eating chili. They couldn't get rid of the illegals fast enough. What do you think the chances are that the folks in Martha's Vineyard – the very folks who think this kind of cultural imposition is a brilliant idea – would be overjoyed to add 33% to their beachfront population in the form of Port Au Prince's finest? There is no way that would ever happen, and we don't even have to explain why. We all know. When you dump a bunch of aliens into a homogenous culture, it's going to cause all sorts of problems.
And it has caused all sorts of problems in Springfield, Ohio, not that our elite cares. We know they head down to the local parks and eat the ducks and the geese. But they've also committed crimes and have actually killed people. They have overwhelmed the social safety net because, for some reason, these people who shouldn't be in this country in the first place get welfare the minute they set foot on American soil. And Springfield is just one example of this phenomenon. This is happening all over the country. Huge numbers of aliens are being plopped into the middle of normal American communities without even asking these communities' American residents what they want. Do you think somebody went to the people of Springfield, Ohio, and asked, "Hey, do you want to add another third to your population, with the proviso they come from literally the worst place on earth?" Of course not. No one asked the Americans. But remember, in Our Democracy – which means the democracy belonging to the elite – we normal American citizens don't get a vote. We don't get a say. We just obey and bear the burden of our elites' cynical political machinations and moral grandstanding.
You might think it's crazy to import people who can't support themselves and who will be a bunch of lay-abouts who do nothing but be social parasites, but you're looking at it wrong. This was never about doing the right thing for America. The people doing it don't want to make America better. They want to make America much, much worse, particularly red America, the America where patriots live. This is not just a covert scheme to make the country more receptive to their communist ideology. It's a scheme to hurt the Americans our elite hates. People like us.
By the time this column runs, we will know if Donald Trump brought up Springfield at the debate, and I sure hope he did. Now, of course, the reaction from the regime media and the elite will be very, very predictable. For some reason, it will suddenly be outrageous and unacceptable to notice the damage caused by injecting an alien culture in such massive amounts into a homogenous American community. Oh, and it'll be racist, too, because everything is racist when they don't want us to talk about it. The fact is that these imported Haitians are not Americans. Haitians don't want to be Americans. They want to be Haitians. But you can't have Haitians being Haitians here in America because this is America. It is our country. We should decide who gets to come here and on what terms and conditions. It should not be imposed upon us. And I don't want Bitey or Barkey on some foreigner's dinner table. Call me selfish, but I like my pets, and I like them more than I like uninvited guests making a mess in my country. Americans are sick and tired of being told they have some moral obligation to accept this kind of crap. We don't. And we won't.
Donald Trump's supporters are going to make huge hay of this, and it's going to be compelling. That's why they will freak out, to shut us up. We're going to be told that we can't speak of it and that we're bad people if we do, but you know what? We don't care. We don't care what the elites think of us because we already know what the elites think of us. It's about time the elites understood what we think of them.
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Off The Grid: Sally Breaks Down USA TODAY's Daily Crossword Puzzle, Breakup Song
There are spoilers ahead. You might want to solve today's puzzle before reading further! Breakup Song
Constructor: Joe Rodini
Editor: Jared Goudsmit
September 14, 2024
What I Learned from Today's PuzzleEAT (24A: Have an alfajor) An alfajor is a sweet treat found in the cuisines of many Latin American countries. Alfajores are sandwich cookies. Although many variations exist, a popular one consists of two shortbread cookies filled with dulce de leche (caramelized milk). Alfajores are also found in Spanish cuisine. The Spanish version of alfajores are cylindrical pastries containing honey, almonds, and spices.
IAN (40D: Activist ___ Manuel) IAN Manuel's 2021 memoir is titled My Time Will Come: A Memoir of Crime, Punishment, Hope, and Redemption. When IAN Manuel was 14-years-old, he was sentenced to life in prison for a non-homicide crime, and placed in solitary confinement where he spent the next 18 years. He was released from prison in 2016 as a result of work by the Equal Justice Initiative. He is an advocate for criminal justice reform and a poet.
POLKA (1A: "The Hamilton ___" (Weird Al medley)) Knowing that one of the things Weird Al Yankovic is known for is his POLKA medleys helped me out here. "The Hamilton POLKA," is a mashup of lyrics from the musical Hamilton – set to POLKA music, of course.
STEW (10A: Galinhada or gumbo) Galinhada is a STEW in Brazilian cuisine that consists of rice and chicken. Gumbo is a STEW that originated in Louisiana made of meat or shellfish along with celery, bell peppers, and onions.
ARIEL (14A: Mermaid who rescues Prince Eric) ARIEL is the title character of the Little Mermaid franchise. When I encounter clues such as this, I have to pause for just a moment to remind myself that ARIEL the mermaid is spelled with an E, as opposed to ARIAL the font.
URSA MINOR (18A: Polaris' constellation) The constellation URSA Minor is also known as the Little Dipper. It consists of seven stars, the brightest of which is the north pole star, Polaris. In Latin, URSA Minor means "Little Bear."
ATLAS (42A: Titan in Greek myths) In Greek mythology, the Titans were gods and goddesses, who preceded the Olympian gods. ATLAS was a Titan who was condemned by Zeus (the king of the Olympian gods) to stand on the edge of the earth and hold up the sky for eternity.
TAU (52A: Letter after sigma) Time for some Greek alphabet review. (I like to review the Greek and NATO alphabets when they appear in crosswords to keep this information semi-fresh in my mind.) TAU is the nineteenth of the Greek alphabet's 24 letters. I'm choosing today to review the letters preceding and following TAU: ...Pi, rho, sigma, TAU, upsilon, phi, chi, psi, omega.
SOLO PARENTING (54A: Raising a child single-handedly) It was a nice choice to include the word "single-handedly" in the clue, to keep solvers from trying "single PARENTING" here. I admit that it didn't keep me from trying it, but hopefully you fared better!
TIBIA (64A: Bone below the femur) The femur is the thigh bone, or the upper leg bone. Below the femur is found the patella (kneecap), the TIBIA and fibula (the lower leg bones) and the bones of the ankle and foot.
ALFA (64A: Letter before Bravo in the NATO phonetic alphabet) A bonus today: this puzzle is encouraging me to review the Greek alphabet and the NATO phonetic alphabet. The NATO alphabet starts out with ALFA, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, and Foxtrot.
KETTLE (4D: "Pot, meet ___") Ha! This clue made me laugh. "Pot, meet KETTLE," is a reference to the phrase, "pot calling the KETTLE black."
ALOHA (5D: Greeting in Maui) Maui is Hawaii's second largest ISLAND (after Hawai'i). ALOHA is used as a greeting throughout Hawaii.
SKIN (10D: Organ treated with exfoliants) The SKIN, with its multiple layers covering the entire body, is the largest organ in humans. Exfoliants are agents used to remove dead SKIN cells.
TARGET (26D: Store with a mascot named Bullseye) The official mascot of TARGET is a white bull terrier named Bullseye, who made his debut in 1999. TARGET's red bullseye logo is painted around the dog's left eye when it is working as the mascot. The vegetable-based paint (approved by the Humane Society) is applied by a professional makeup artist.
WASABI (27D: Spicy green paste) WASABI, also known as Japanese horseradish, is a spicy green condiment often served alongside sushi.
I VOTED (28D: Words on a polling place sticker) This clue is a good opportunity to remind you that if you're eligible to do so, make sure you are registered to vote. And then make a plan to vote, not just in the upcoming U.S. November 5 election, but also in the local and state elections in your area.
Your reminder to vote
IDAHO (32D: Shoshone Falls' state) Shoshone Falls is a waterfall located in south-central IDAHO, on the Snake River. Referred to as the "Niagara of the West," Shoshone Falls is located just a few miles northeast of the city of Twin Falls. Since the beginning of the 20th century when part of the Snake River was diverted for irrigation purposes, the appearance of the falls varies significantly based on the river's flow state.
OAR (34D: Tool found in "paddleboard") I appreciate when the hidden word and the hiding word are related, as is the case here.
SPARE (51D: /, to a bowler) In bowling, a SPARE refers to the knocking down of all of the pins on the second ball of the frame. On the scoring sheet, this is indicated by a slash. If all the pins are knocked down on the first ball of the frame, it's a strike, indicated by an X.
RENT (57D: "Another Day" musical) Just over a week ago, we saw a reference to the RENT song, "Out Tonight," which is sung by the character Mimi as she attempts to seduce Roger. "Another Day" is Roger's response.
IBIS (58D: Sacred Egyptian bird) IBIS is making back-to-back crossword appearances, as we saw it in yesterday's puzzle clued as [Bird that forages in mud]. One species of IBIS, the African sacred IBIS, is known for its role in Ancient Egyptian religion. The Egyptian god, Thoth, was depicted as having the head of an IBIS.
NINE (59D: Number of rooms in Clue) I always appreciate a reference to my favorite board game of all time. The NINE rooms in the Clue mansion are the kitchen, ballroom, conservatory, billiard room, library, study, hall, lounge, and dining room.
SOUTHERN TWANG (20A: Feature of many country singers' voices)
SOCIAL GATHERING (39A: Get-together)
SOLO PARENTING (54A: Raising a child single-handedly)
BREAKUP SONG: Each theme answer BREAKs UP the word SONG: SOUTHERN TWANG, SOCIAL GATHERING, and SOLO PARENTING.
The title of today's puzzle perfectly describes the theme, such that I knew exactly what to expect. Each theme answer BREAKs the word SONG exactly in half: SO/NG. Thank you, Joe, for this enjoyable puzzle.
For more on USA TODAY's Crossword PuzzlesThis article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Crossword Blog & Answers for September 14, 2024 by Sally Hoelscher
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