good and funny jokes :: Article Creator110 Fang-tasticly Funny Halloween Jokes For A Howling Good Time
Halloween jokes are the perfect combination of tricks and treats! Celebrate your holiday with a few ghoulish giggles over witches, vampires, skeletons, ghosts, and more! And of course, the best Halloween jokes are the ones that also delight our dads, so expect to see a few corny quips on this list too.
Ready to get laughing? We have 110 funny Halloween jokes that will guarantee a haunting good time!
Who doesn't love a good corny joke? Add in spiders, zombies, and scarecrows, and you have a pocket full of hilarity. Have a fang-tastic good time with these Halloween funnies!
What do you call a graveyard at the end of a cul-de-sac?
A real dead end!
What has eight legs and only comes out when there is a full moon?
A wolf spider!
How do you predict what will happen on Halloween night?
You read your horrorscope!
Was the headless horseman handsome?
He was downright gourd-geous!
How did the vampires travel from Transylvania to America?
They took a fleet of blood vessels!
When do zombies go to work?
On Fright-days!
How does a Scarecrow style his hair?
With scare spray!
Why are zombies so smart?
They eat brain food!
Where do monsters always get their cookies?
From the ghoul scouts!
What is the scariest thing a horse can dress up as for Halloween?
A night mare!
If you are looking to tickle everyone's funny bone, skeleton jokes are a superb place to start!
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What instrument does a skeleton play?
The trom-bone!
How did the skeleton's brother make him cry?
He called him a bonehead.
Where do skeletons love to swim?
In the Dead Sea!
What did the skeleton ask his girlfriend on Halloween night?
Will you marrow me?
Why did the skeleton take a job in Hollywood?
She wanted tibia star!
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
They are not afraid to show off their funny bone!
Did you hear about the skeleton who wouldn't go on the roller coaster?
He didn't have the guts!
What part of the house do skeletons avoid?
The living room!
Who is the greatest skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones!
Where does a skeleton mechanic work?
The body shop, of course!
Why are skeletons so cool?
Because nothing can get under their skin!
Who can you expect to see at a haunted house on a slow night?
The skeleton crew!
What kind of job did the skeleton get at the ice rink?
Driving the zam-boney.
Why did the skeleton get detention?
She wouldn't stop taking skel-fies!
Did you hear about the skeleton who was chased by werewolves?
He marrowly escaped!
If you're looking to have a wicked good time, we've also conjured up some spellbinding witch jokes that are simply bewitching!
Why did the witches cancel their ball game?
They couldn't find the bats!
Why was the witch not doing well in school?
She wasn't good at spelling!
How does a warlock compliment his date?
He says she is brewtiful!
What did the little witch think of her mother's latest potion?
It tasted as good as it spelled!
What is a witch's favorite kind of jewelry?
Charm bracelets!
Why did the witches get a noise complaint?
They were blaring music on their broomboxes!
Did you hear about the witch who fell in love with her broom?
It swept her off her feet.
Why doesn't Voldemort wear glasses when he reads his spell book?
Nobody nose!
What is a witch's favorite book?
Great Hex-pectations!
Why was the witch late to school?
Her broom over-swept!
Why was the little witch so excited to meet Winifred Sanderson?
Because she is witch and famous!
What does the receptionist say when you call the spellbook hotline and they are busy?
Bewitcha in a minute!
Why should you never tell a witch your secret family recipes?
Because they will always spell the beans!
How does a witch tell her friends that she is pregnant?
She says she has a bun in the coven!
Did you hear about the witch who got chickenpox?
She was one itchy witchy!
Where can you find good ghost jokes? At the ghost-ery store, of course! However, if you don't have time to shop for spook-tacular jests, we have a eerie-sistable selection to choose from right here!
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Why do ghosts make lousy liars?
They are too transparent.
How do ghosts get directions to Halloween parties?
They ghoul-gle them!
What do ghosts eat on Halloween?
Spook-ghetti!
What do you call a ghost who twisted his ankle?
A hoblin goblin!
Did you know that ghosts are fast drivers?
That's why you should always buckle your sheet belts!
When do ghosts go to scare school?
In the moaning!
Who throws the best Halloween parties?
The ghostess with the mostest!
Why did the ghost cross the road?
Nobody could hit him.
Why are ghosts so strong?
They exorcise every day!
Why did the ghosts run off stage?
Everyone was booing.
What kind of makeup does a ghost use?
Vanishing cream.
What is a ghost's favorite drink on a hot Halloween evening?
Ghoul-aid!
Why can't a ghost get married?
No-body would be there.
What did the ghost mom say to the baby on his first Halloween night?
You've got this, boo!
What does the ghost eat for breakfast?
Booberries!
Get ready to sink your teeth into this terrific list of vampire jokes! They'll have everyone going batty.
Why did the vampires avoid the witch at school?
She's catty.
Why don't vampires like Halloween?
They're all about Fangs-giving.
Where does a vampire store his files?
On his blood drive.
When are you guaranteed to see a werewolf and a vampire at the same time?
When there is a full blood moon.
Did you hear that Dracula is renovating his castle?
He is re-vamping the whole place!
What is a vampire's favorite spice?
Vein-illa extract!
Why do vampires hate Philadelphia?
Because it is always sunny!
When are vampires the most grumpy?
When they drink B-negative blood!
Why did the vampire get dumped?
His girlfriend thought he was a pain in the neck!
How does a vampire take his coffee?
De-coffinated!
What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines!
Why does Dracula hate autocorrect?
Because he loves type-Os!
Why do vampires never go to the horse races?
They can't handle the stakes!
Why was the vampire turned off by his date?
She had bat breath!
Why should you never tell Dracula to get a life?
Because he might take yours later!
You can find a never-ending list of dad jokes all over the net. While these Halloween dad jokes are cornier than candy corn, they'll make you laugh and potentially make your eyes roll!
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Where do zombies always live?
On dead-end streets.
What do you serve at a Halloween cookout?
Roasted Halloweenies!
What do you call a werewolf who isn't paying attention?
An unaware-wolf!
What do you serve beer in at a Halloween party?
A Franken-stein.
Why was the phantom mad her boyfriend didn't text back?
She got ghosted!
Where do bats hang out on October weekends?
At the Dracula fang club!
Why did the mummy go to therapy?
His brain was unraveling.
Why were the zombie musicians mad at the drummer?
He rattled their bones.
How do you know a monster is sick?
He starts coffin!
What do you call a ghost chicken?
A poultry-geist!
Why was the Headless Horseman so desperate to get a job?
He wanted to get a-head in life!
Why does the cemetery always make great movies?
The plots are amazing.
What sport does a Halloween pumpkin play?
Squash.
Why did the troll cross the bridge?
Because it was his.
Why did the chicken cross the graveyard?
To get to the other side!
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Looking for a skittle more fun? Halloween is not only about the thrills and chills of the season. It's about the candy, too! Add the funny to trick-or-treating with a good joke. It's sure to lift your spirits!
What do you call an agreement made on Halloween?
A trick or treaty.
Who dances while trick or treating?
The boogeyman.
Why couldn't the mummies go trick or treating?
They were all wrapped up.
How do ghouls and goblins get their candy on Halloween night?
They take the Monster truck!
What does a black cat always hope to get while trick or treating?
Mice crispies!
Why was the ghost not tired after trick or treating?
Because she had been goblin up all her candy on the walk home!
Why don't hockey players want a treat on Halloween?
They'd rather have a hat trick.
What's a vampire's favorite Halloween treat?
Suckers.
Who did Frankenstein take out trick or treating?
His ghoul friend.
Why didn't the jack-o'-lantern go trick or treating?
He didn't have the guts.
Why does Michael Jackson love trick-or-treating?
It's a thriller.
What do little vampires say after you give them Halloween treats?
Fangs for the candy!
What should you give a mummy during trick or treating?
Lifesavers.
What did the bird say on Halloween when it wanted some candy?
Trick or tweet.
What did the vampire say to the trick or treaters?
Have a fang-tastic Halloween!
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Kids aren't too cute to spook. So, you can't have Halloween jokes without including the kiddos into the mix. Just remember, for kids, you need to creep it real!
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Why can't the jack-o'-lantern sit in the dark?
He's gutless.
Why was the egg behaving badly on Halloween?
He was deviled.
Why can't you upset a mummy?
He'll totally unravel.
How do you get into the haunted house?
With a spoo-key!
What is a monster's favorite bedtime story?
Ghoul-dilocks and the Three Scares!
Where can you always find Casper at the amusement park?
On the roller ghoster!
What do you call the witches who hang out in the sandbox?
Sand-witches!
What is a monster's favorite game?
Hide and shriek!
What is a frog's favorite Halloween drink?
Apple spider!
How do monsters travel to Transylvania for vacation?
They take a scare-plane!
Halloween jokes always bring a ghoul time! If you are looking for more giggles, then check out our list of Halloween puns and fall jokes! They are sure to leaf everyone laughing.
185 Funny Halloween Jokes That Are Scary Good
Why don't mummies gossip? They don't want to get a bad wrap.
If you're booing right now (and you're most definitely not a ghost), then our work here is done, because these bad-but-good Halloween jokes are intended to make you groan even if you aren't a zombie.
In fact, these one-liners, Halloween puns and knock-knocks are so funny, that all the laughing they're bound to inspire will likely wake the dead.
Speaking of which, have you ever wondered why skeletons don't skydive? They just don't have the guts.
We see you cringing over our Halloween-inspired dad jokes. But you're also giggling, because these cringy wisecracks are a total scream — in all the right ways, of course.
You'll be happy to know that there are more Halloween jokes where those came from, including gags on jack-o'-lanterns, witches, zombies, vampires, ghosts, monsters and everything else related to Oct. 31.
For instance, what do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hot dog.
We're totally howling over here, and soon you will be too, because all these Halloween jokes are scary good.
Best Halloween Jokes
Why did the skeleton quit his job? His heart wasn't in it. Why didn't the scarecrow eat dinner? He was already stuffed. What do you call an overweight pumpkin? A plump-kin. Why did the skeleton go to the butcher? He was looking for spare ribs. Why don't mummies gossip? They don't want to get a bad wrap. Why was the witch late for work? She over-swept. 
What do you call a lost wolf? A where-wolf. Why are mummies always stressed out? They can't unwind. Why don't vampires play baseball? Their bats keep flying away. Why did the invisible man quit his job? He couldn't see himself doing it. What's the best way to speak to a giant mummy? Use big words. What's a black cat's favorite song? "Three Blind Mice." 
Why did the ghost need first aid? He had a boo-boo. What do you call an enlightened werewolf? An aware-wolf. What's a monster's favorite game? Hide-and-go-shriek. Why can't you trust vampires? Because they're bat to the bone. What do ghosts like to watch on TV? Saturday Fright Live. What's the best lake to visit on Halloween? Lake Eerie. 
What do weight-conscious vampires drink? Blood light. How are zombie boats operated? With skeleton crews. How do ghosts score touchdowns? They get the ball across the ghoul-line. What do you call a monster who likes to dance? A boogie man. Why don't witches like winter? Too many cold spells. What did the werewolf say when he broke his toe? "Ow-oooooh!" 
Who won the skeleton 5K? No body. Why did the werewolf eat a bag of coins? He thought the change would do him good. Why did the zombie eat brains? He wanted food for thought. What day of the week do ghosts like best? Moan-day. What did the ghost say to the toilet? "You appear a bit flushed." What kind of felines like to bowl? Alley cats. 
How do ghosts become pilots? They go to fright school. How do ghosts play the piano? They use sheet music. Where do sorcerers go when they get sick? The witch doctor. Why doesn't Frankenstein dance? He has two left feet. Why don't skeletons skydive? They don't have the guts. Why did the ghost join the soccer team? It wanted to be a ghoulie. 
What do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hog dog. How do bats know how to fly? They just wing it. What do bats do in their free time? Hang out. Why do witches like hotels? They get broom service. Why did the ghost blow its nose? It had boo-gers. What kind of shoes do ghosts wear in the winter? Boo-ts. 
Why did the cyclops quit its teaching job? It only had one pupil. What do cemeteries and books have in common? Plots. What's a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangs-giving. What do birds hand out on Halloween? Tweets. Why did the ghost go to the mall? He needed new boo jeans. What's the best way to hire a vampire? Put him on a ladder. 
How do monsters stay cool in the summer? They use scare-conditioning. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body. Did you hear about the black cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss. How do French ghosts greet each other? They say, "bone-jour!" Where do baby monsters go when their parents are at work? Day-scare. Did you hear about the invisible man who went to the doctor? He's still waiting to be seen. 
Why do people assume witches are mean? They have resting witch faces. Did you hear about the witch that parked illegally? Her car got toad. How do vampires get to Transylvania? By scare-plane. Where's the one place you won't find werewolves? The flea market. Why do monsters love Halloween? It's the most wonderful time of the fear. Halloween Puns
Why do cemeteries have fences? Because everyone's dying to get in. What did one invisible man say to the other? Long time, no see. Why don't vampires eat cows? They don't like stakes. Why didn't the police arrest the zombie? He couldn't be taken alive. Did you hear about the witch who went to the doctor? She had a fainting spell. Why can't werewolves play basketball? They get too many howls. 
Why shouldn't you trust werewolves? They're good fur nothing. How many real vampires are there? None. Unless you count Dracula. Did you hear about the gloomy jack-o'-lantern? It needed to lighten up. Where do spiders do their Halloween shopping? On the web. What's a zombie's favorite song? "Teenage Scream" What's a vampire's favorite TV show? "Big Fang Theory." 
What's a zombie's favorite band? The Dead Hot Chili Peppers. Why did the ghost quit his job? They kept making him work the graveyard shift. How did Dracula learn to be a vampire? He took a crash corpse. Why do cemeteries have waiting lists? Because everyone's dying to get in. What did the zombie mom say when her ghouls asked to take the car? Over my dead body. Where do witches go on vacation? Doesn't matter as long as there's a broom with a view. 
When's the best time to cast a spell? The witching hour. What do you call a ghost hornet? A boo-bee. Why shouldn't you date a mummy? They're too wrapped up in themselves. Did you hear about the tech worker who got turned into a vampire? Now he Gigabites. What did one skeleton say to the other? I've got a bone to pick with you. Funny Halloween Jokes
Who's in charge of the candy corn? The kernel. What's a mummy's favorite genre of music? Wrap. Why did the Headless Horseman go to school? He wanted to get a-head in life. Why do witches wear name tags? To tell which witch is which. What did the ghost say when it fell down? I got a boo-boo. 
What kind of rocks do ghosts collect? Tombstones. Did you hear about the zombie that took a nap? It was dead tired. When do cows turn into werewolves? During the full moooooon. Did you hear about the crazy vampire? He was totally batty. Where do ghosts buy stamps? At the ghost office. Halloween Knock-Knock Jokes
Knock, knock! Who's there? Ah. Ah who? Ah, who, werewolves of London. Knock, knock! Who's there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for the Halloween candy! Knock, knock! Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive Halloween so much. Knock, knock! Who's there? Interrupting ghost. Interrupting ghost ... BOO! Knock, knock! Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida lot of candy and now I feel sick. Knock, knock! Who's there? Bat. Bat who? Bat you don't know who's knocking! Knock, knock! Who's there? Witch. Witch who? Gesundheit. Knock, knock! Who's there? Twig. Twig who? Twig or tweet. 
Knock, knock! Who's there? Howl. Howl who? Howl-ween is here! 101 Knock, knock! Who's there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you has the candy? Knock, knock! Who's there? Owl. Owl who? Correct. Knock, knock! Who's there? Minnie. Minnie who? Minnie people love Halloween. Knock, knock! Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo hoo, don't make a ghost cry. Knock, knock! Who's there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream at zombies. 
Knock, knock! Who's there? Creep. Creep who? Creep it down, you'll wake the dead. Knock, knock! Who's there? Avery. Avery who? Avery scary ghost! Run! Knock, knock! Who's there? Ash. Ash who? A zombie with a cold. Knock, knock! Who's there? Eddy. Eddy who? Eddy-body will do for a zombie. Knock, knock! Who's there? Gwen. Gwen who? Gwen do you think Halloween will be here? Knock, knock! Who's there? Al. Al who? Al go home after trick-or-treating. Knock, knock! Who's there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood, blah! Knock, knock! Who's there? Bean. Bean who? Bean waiting for Halloween all year long. Halloween Ghost Jokes
What do ghosts drink? Ghoul-aid. Why did the ghost go to a bar? It was looking for boo's. What kind of shoes do ghosts wear? Boo-ts. Why don't ghosts lie? Because you can see right through them. What kind of muffins do ghosts prefer? Boo-berry. Why did the ghost cross the road? He wanted to return from the other side. 
How do ghosts unlock doors? With spoo-keys. Did you hear about the ghost party? It was loud enough to wake the dead. Why don't ghosts shower? It dampens their spirits. Where do ghosts shop? Boo-tiques. Why did the ghost ride the elevator? To lift its spirit. How do ghosts apply for jobs? They fill out apparitions. 
Why don't ghosts do standup comedy? They always get booed. What do ghosts use to style their hair? Scare-spray. How do ghosts predict the future? They check their horror-scope. What do ghosts wear if they can't see? Spooktacles. Halloween Skeleton Jokes
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? The trom-bone. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones. Why did the skeleton skip the prom? It had no body to go with. Why don't skeletons like the cold? It's bone-chilling. What did the skeleton bring to the cookout? Spare ribs. Why don't skeletons skydive? They don't have the stomach for it. 
What do you call a skeleton that won't do any work? Lazy bones. How do skeletons start their cars? With skeleton keys. Why did the skeleton put on a sweater? It was chilled to the bone. Why'd the skeleton go the grocery store? Its pantry was down to the bare bones. Why did the skeleton laugh? Something tickled its funny bone. What do skeleton dogs eat? Milk bones. Halloween Pumpkin Jokes
How do you mend a broken gourd? With a pumpkin patch. What's a pumpkin's favorite sport? Squash. Why do pumpkins bar hop? To get smashed. What's a pumpkin's favorite fruit? Orange. How do little pumpkins cross the road? With the help of a crossing gourd. What kind of pumpkins work at a pool? Life-gourds. 
Why didn't Cinderella make the soccer team? Her coach was a pumpkin. Who rules the pumpkin patch? The pump-king. Why did the pumpkin go to jail? It had a bad seed. What kind of canine do pumpkins prefer? Gourd-dogs. How do pumpkins get paid? With pumpkin bread. How do pumpkins quit smoking? They use a pumpkin patch. Halloween Zombie Jokes
What kind of music do zombies listen to? The Grateful Dead. What do you call identical zombie twins? Dead ringers. Where do zombies live? On a dead end street. Why don't zombies eat clowns? They taste funny. Did you hear about the zombie the lost the race? It came in dead last. 
What's a zombie's pick-up line? You're drop-dead gorgeous. Did you hear about the zombie recital? The performance knocked 'em dead. Why did the zombie get fired? It missed its dead-line. Where should you hide if you're being chased by zombies? The living room. Did you hear about the zombie valedictorian? It was dead-icated to its studies. 
Why did everyone leave the zombie party? It wasn't very lively. Why did the zombie lose the argument? It didn't have a leg to stand on. Did you hear about the zombie who bought a new car? It cost an arm and a leg. What should you do if there's a zombie attack? Play dead. Where do zombies swim? In the Dead Sea. 
Why did the zombie take a nap? It was dead on its feet. What kind of cars do zombies drive? Monster trucks. What do zombies order at the deli? Knuckle sandwich. Did you hear about the angry zombie? It got bent out of shape. Halloween Vampire Jokes
What's a vampire's favorite kind of dog? A bloodhound. Where do vampires deposit their paychecks? At the blood bank. Did you hear about the vampire feud? There was bad blood. What do you call vampire siblings? Blood brothers. How can you spot a wealthy vampire? It has blue blood. What happens when vampires get mad? It makes their blood boil. 
How do vampires flirt? They bat their eyes. Why did the vampire get glasses? It was as blind as a bat. Why don't vampires get invited to parties? They're a pain in the neck. Did you hear about the vampire romance? It was love at first bite. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? It was coffin. What shouldn't you serve a vampire for dinner? Steak. 
Did you hear about the new vampire laptop? It bytes. Why did the vampire go to the dentist? It had bat breath. Why do vampires avoid the cold? They don't want to get frostbite. Who won the vampire race? No one — it was neck and neck. Halloween Witch Jokes
Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy. What do you call two witches who live together? Broommates. What should you get a witch on her birthday? A charm bracelet. What do witches' study in school? Spelling. What's a witches' pick-up line? Hey, you've got hex appeal! Where do witches park? In the broom closet. 
Did you hear about the witch that got school detention? She was ex-spelled. Did you hear about the witch that couldn't find work? It was a dry spell. Why do witches drink beer? They enjoy a good brew. Why did the witch cancel her speech? There was a frog in her throat. Why did the angry witch leave her broom at home? She didn't want to fly off the handle. Halloween Food Jokes
What's a zombie's favorite kind of pasta? Elbow macaroni. What do ghosts eat for dessert? Boo-berry pie. What's a zombie's least favorite candy? Life Savers. What do they serve at ghost parties? Boo-ze. What do skeletons say before they eat? "Bone appétit!" What's a spider's favorite side dish? Corn on the cobweb. How do monsters take their bagels? With scream cheese. 
What do ghosts put in their hot cocoa? Whipped scream. What's a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines. What do zombies eat for dessert? Ladyfingers. How do ghosts drink their coffee? With scream and sugar. What's a ghost's favorite dessert? Ice scream sandwich. What do ghosts drink? Mountain Boo. What did one piece of hard candy say to the other after it helped it escape from being eaten? Thanks! You're a real lifesaver. What's a ghost's favorite dinner? Spook-etti. 7 Amazing Things That Happen To You And Your Body When You Laugh
Everyone enjoys a good laugh, but who actually makes time for laughter in their lives? Sure, we enjoy hearing a funny joke, being around people with a good sense of humor, and watching comedies, but few of us take our laughs seriously (no pun intended) nor do we make a concerted effort to laugh more.
But we should! The science of laughter — though still preliminary — suggests that it has tremendous benefits for our health and psychological well-being.
1. Your relationships improve
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Research shows that laughter makes you more open to new people and helps you build and strengthen relationships.
Let's be real, any friendship or relationship with colleagues without laughter would just be absolutely boring and tedious.
RELATED: 5 Rare Traits Of People Who Create Relationships Filled With La
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