The O.J. Joke: How the Simpson Case Changed Comedy’s Boundaries
150 Funny Jokes To Have Up Your Sleeve, Guaranteed To Have You Laughing All Day Long
Ok ok, so we're not claiming to be Ed Gamble or James Acaster, but sometimes you just need a funny joke up your sleeve. Maybe a first date just got a bit awkward and you need a a classic dad joke, or you're trying to make your niece laugh with a knock knock joke. Or maybe you need to help a friend cheer up, or you've just been approached by one of those TikTokers shouting "If you make me laugh I will buy you a car."
Here are 150 funny jokes to have up your sleeve, for when you really need a laugh even if you do think they're a bit cringe.
One liner jokesBecause he'll be coffin
Second hand shops
It was too tyred
Pop
He knew a shortcut
It was framed
Lawsuits
It got fired
Then it'd be a foot
The first one's on the house
Address!
"I'll meet you at the corner"
It's full of blades
A parrot
They don't like fast food
A meatball
They just log on!
Sign language
Mini soda
Because they make up everything
With a pair of Caesars
She'll let it go
Neptunes
You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
He neverlands
You track their footnotes
They melt
A palm tree
They take meteor showers
They're totally see through
Haven't we metaphor?
You will be mist
It waves
In a draw
Corny jokesIt was two tired
The stock market
A stick
They use honeycombs
Fish and ships
A father-in-law
Nacho cheese
He gave her a ring
Um all of them
It over-swept
Hog wash
They have anty-bodies
Anna 1, Anna 2
They need to vent
Stairs
Food jokesAcademia nuts
In case there's a salad dressing
He was on a roll
Because they're shellfish
Halloumi!
A steaming vegetable
Because he was a fungi
Because he lost his filling
Dill with it
Choco-late!
An impasta
As mushroom as you can
A cupachinos
Gourdgeous
Witherspoon
Cashews
He wanted to be a Smartie
Elvis Parsley
Pears
Lemon aid
An astronut
But it would probably be cheesy
They're too kneady
It cracks up
Why no, it'll be round
Choco-late
A blueberry
Animal jokesA starfish!
Surfing the web
A labracadabrador
With a cow-culator
7 Strange Jewish Jokes That Prove 'New Girl' Is The Anti-'Seinfeld'
Fans like to call "Seinfeld" one of the most-Jewish sitcoms of all time, even though it makes so few explicitly Jewish references.
In that regard, the successful Fox sitcom "New Girl," which stars Zooey Deschanel and will start its fifth season Jan. 5, is a foil to the "show about nothing": It's full of Jewish jokes that aren't very Jewy.
Last season, "New Girl" ramped up the use of Jewish-themed one-liners — nearly all of them at the expense of Schmidt, a lovably narcissistic marketing associate played by Max Greenfield — to near-awkward levels. Almost every episode features a comment about Schmidt's Jewishness.
Yet the sitcom, which centers on a group of friends in their early 30s who live together in a Los Angeles loft, does not have a Jewish tone or plot. There's just Schmidt, who's said to be Jewish — repeatedly.
While some of the Jewish jabs are funny in a crude way, others fall flat or seem out of place. A major comic theme is that Schmidt is handsome despite his Semitic heritage.
That joke in particular could be accused of shading into anti-Semitism. But it's worth noting that Schmidt is a fleshed-out and successful character with his own plot lines and a fictional life full of friends and beautiful women. The creators of "New Girl" may harp on his Jewishness a bit much, but their hearts are clearly in the right place.
And they have plenty of Jewish influences on set to keep them honest. Greenfield is Jewish; Deschanel, who plays the titular new girl, Jess, recently joined the tribe, and Jake Johnson, who plays Nick, has a Jewish dad. Johnson was born Mark Jake Johnson Weinberger.
READ: Actress Zooey Deschanel converts to Judaism
Nevertheless, here are 7 of the strangest Jewish jokes from the fourth season of "New Girl."
1. "You're really sexy for a Jew." (Episode 9: "Thanksgiving IV")
Schmidt receives the awkward compliment during an intimate encounter at his "Bangsgiving" Thanksgiving party. A young woman he's getting close to on the couch makes the casual observation, causing him to ask: "Wait, what?"
2. "Has anyone ever told you you look like a Jewish Kennedy?" (Episode 12: "Shark")
Power-hungry local politician Fawn Moscato compares Schmidt to playboy President John F. Kennedy in a bid to win his affections. She may have a point about his chiseled face and hairstyle, but she follows up by saying: "I hope not, because that would be offensive."
3. "I'm having my teeth shaved by a 25th of an inch. Fawn thinks that I have the teeth of an immigrant. She says every time she looks at me, all she can see is Fievel Mousekevitz singing 'There Are No Cats in America.' Those little mice Jews." (Episode 20: "Par 5")
Schmidt explains that Fawn, who is now his girlfriend, has some pretty exacting standards for her significant other. Fievel Mousekevitz is the animated star of the 1986 film "An American Tail," which tells the story of a family of Russian Jewish mice who immigrates to the United States to escape anti-Semitism.
4. "How do I look? How Jewish? I mean like good Jewish or bad Jewish?" (Episode 1: "The Last Wedding")
Schmidt nervously questions the quality of his Jewish appearance after spotting his crush at a wedding. His friend Nick refuses to answer, thinking the question sounds like a trap.
5. "It says here we need a murder of peppercorn and — some of that flat Jew bread?" (Episode 17: "Spiderhunt")
Schmidt is stirring a strange sauce that Nick is concocting from an old family recipe. Matzah seems to be among the obscure ingredients called for in "The Sauce," though Nick's family clearly didn't have Jewish roots.
6. "When we're in public, let's just tone down the Jewish thing, OK?" (Episode 12: "Shark")
Fawn censors Schmidt after he uses the word "schmendrick" (Yiddish for "stupid person" or "weakling") in casual conversation. So much for her digging the Jewish Kennedy vibe.
7. "You Jewish?" (Episode 22: "Clean Break")
In undoubtedly the most awkward Jewish joke of the fourth or likely any season, guest star Jack McBrayer (aka NBC page Kenneth in "30 Rock") asks Schmidt out of the blue if he's Jewish. The two stare silently at each other for several seconds waiting for a laugh from the audience. Not every joke can be funny.
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