260 Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny

30 Flirty Knock-Knock Jokes To Make Your Sweetheart Smile

We'll just come right out and say it: Flirtatious jokes and pickup lines can be the ultimate forms of flattery … but you need to choose them wisely and strike just the right tone. Need a little guidance? Give these flirty knock-knock jokes a try. Not only are they on-theme for Valentine's Day, but they also double as hilarious knock-knock pickup lines too!

If you've tried Tinder pickup lines with your latest match, or expressed passion and romance with Valentine's Day pickup lines, then you'll surely love these cute knock-knock jokes below. Whether you're meeting someone for the first time and want to send a flirty text, or you've known them for years, these cute quips are pretty much guaranteed to score you some serious brownie points with your crush or significant other.

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Flirty knock-knock jokes for Valentine's Day

Reader's Digest

Valentine's Day lands on Feb. 14, so these flirty knock-knock jokes are perfect for adding a touch of romance to moments with your partner. The best part? You can keep the fun going all year round, even after the holiday bids adieu. Happy laughing!

1. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Abby.

Abby who?

Abby Valentine's Day!

2. Knock, knock. 

Who's there?

Atlas

Atlas who?

Atlas, it's Valentine's Day!

3. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Emma.

Emma who?

Emma hoping I get lots of cards on Valentine's Day!

4. Knock, knock. 

Who's there?

Jamaica.

Jamaica who?

Jamaica valentine for me yet?

5. Knock, knock. 

Who's there?

Hal.

Hal who?

Hal about being my valentine?

6. Knock, knock. 

Who's there?

Eye.

Eye who?

Eye want to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day!

7. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Heywood.

Heywood who?

Heywood you be my valentine?

8. Knock, knock. 

Who's there?

Zoo.

Zoo who?

Zoo want to be my valentine?

9. Knock, knock. 

Who's there?

Peas.

Peas who?

Peas be my valentine!

10. Knock, knock. 

Who's there?

Sherwood.

Sherwood who?

Sherwood like to be your valentine!

Knock-knock jokes for when you first meet

Reader's Digest

If Valentine's Day jokes are your go-to for dating, then indulge in the many flirty knock-knock jokes that focus on the beginning stages of every relationship. Ready to make a great first impression?

11. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Wendy.

Wendy who?

Wendy you think we can go on a date?

12. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Police.

Police who?

Police tell me I'm your type!

13. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Aherd.

Aherd who?

Aherd you like girls who tell knock-knock jokes!

14. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Owl.

Owl who?

Owl be seeing you soon, right?

15. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Cheese.

Cheese who?

Cheese a cute girl!

16. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Wire.

Wire who?

Wire you still not in my phone's contacts list?

17. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Do-ya.

Do-ya who?

Do-ya want to be my girlfriend?

18. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Hope.

Hope who?

Hope you'll go out with me!

19. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Gopher.

Gopher who?

Gopher me, obviously.

Knock-knock jokes for new couples

Reader's Digest

The next category on our list of flirty knock-knock jokes is for when you're in a budding romance but not quite long-term yet. Maybe you've just decided you're officially in a relationship or you're on the cusp of finally saying "I love you." Either way, these jokes are sure to remind your significant other why they're with you in the first place. They also make fun pickup lines for guys, especially if you want to hear them giggle too!

20. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Eyesore.

Eyesore who?

Eyesore do like you!

21. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Hershey's.

Hershey's who?

Hershey's kiss!

22. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Pauline.

Pauline who?

I think I'm Pauline in love with you.

23. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Kiss.

Kiss who?

Kiss me!

24. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Iguana.

Iguana who?

Iguana hold your hand.

25. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Norma Lee.

Norma Lee who?

Norma Lee I don't say this, but I think I'm falling in love with you.

26. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Candice.

Candice who?

Candice be love I'm feeling right now?

27. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Disguise.

Disguise who?

Disguise your boyfriend!

Knock-knock jokes for long-term relationships

Reader's Digest

So you've known each other for a few years now and can definitely see a future together. Maybe you want to send your "Happy Valentine's Day" wishes in a funny and unexpected way. Even if you've memorized your significant other's quirks and qualms, you can still catch them off-guard with these flirty quips.

28. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Olive.

Olive who?

Olive you a whole lot.

29. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Juno.

Juno who?

Juno I love you, don't you?

30. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ben.

Ben who?

Ben thinking about you all day.

31. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Orange!

Orange who?

Orange you stunning.

32. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Snow.

Snow who?

Snow use—I just can't stop thinking about you.

33. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Anita.

Anita who?

Anita kiss from you, please!

ⓘ

Knock-knock jokes for married couples

Reader's Digest

Whether you've been married for a month, 10 years or 50 years, these adorably flirty knock-knock jokes will make you feel like you just started dating yesterday. Go ahead and give them a try, along with these punny food pickup lines.

34. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ivana.

Ivana who?

Ivana spend the rest of my life with you.

35. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Honeydew.

Honeydew who?

Honeydew you know how much I love you?

36. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Aldo.

Aldo who?

Aldo anything for you!

37. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Baby Yoda.

Baby Yoda who?

Baby, Yoda one for me!

38. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Adore.

Adore who?

Adore you, who else?

39. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Muffin.

Muffin who?

Muffin in this world can keep us apart.

40. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Needle.

Needle who?

I needle little love right now.

Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader's Digest runs it.

Why trust us

Reader's Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That's Funny. We've earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as "Life in These United States," "All in a Day's Work," "Laughter, the Best Medicine" and "Humor in Uniform," as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they're great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader's Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.

175 Corny Jokes That'll Crack You Up

If you love corny jokes, then you're in luck, because you've just landed on a veritable gold mine of wisecracks and one-liners to break out in any situation that calls for a bit of comic relief a funny dad joke.

For instance, did you hear about the pasta that went to the dermatologist? Apparently, it had a big ziti. Or, have you ever wondered what kind of shoes frogs wear? Open-toad, naturally.

If those dumb puns made you chuckle, settle in, because there are plenty more ahead. In fact, if bad-but-good jokes are what you've come for, we've got a truckload to help keep the laughs coming. You'll totally crack up over our collection of short gags, like why did the pony ask for a glass of water? Because it was a little horse.

Not to mention, a slew of other corny jokes, knock-knocks and amusing one-liners that are guaranteed to make even the biggest of comedy critics crack a smile. That includes your dad, who's bound to steal these witticisms for his own arsenal of funny jokes.

Whether you're searching for a few laughs to brighten your day, stockpiling corny jokes for the next family gathering, or just have a healthy sense of humor, you'll find enough material here to host your own comedy show or, at the very least, keep your besties in stitches for the foreseeable future.

For example, why shouldn't you marry a calendar? Because its days are numbered. Or, when's the best time to visit the dentist? Tooth-hurty, of course.

Terrible, yes. But also stupid funny and you know it. So, buckle in and cinch your belt, because with all the laughs we're about to deliver, you just might bust a gut.

Corny dad jokes

Why can't you trust chemists? Periodically, they're wrong.

Why did the pasta go to the dermatologist? It had a big ziti.

Two kittens had a big fight. It was a cat-astrophe.

What do you call a cow missing a leg? Lean beef.

Why shouldn't you argue with a T-Rex? You'll get jurass-kicked.

What do you call a cold puppy? A chili dog.

Why shouldn't pigs drive? They hog the road.

Why did the skunk take out a loan? Because he only had one scent.

Why did the pony ask for a glass of water? It was a little horse.

How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.

Why do melons get married in church? Because they cantaloupe.

Which king loved to do fractions? Henry the 8th.

Did you hear about the math teacher that plowed a field? He used a pro-tractor.

Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snow bank.

What do bees use to brush their hair? Honeycombs.

How do bees get to school? They ride the school buzz.

Why did the battery go on vacation? He needed to recharge.

Did you hear about the skeleton beauty contest? No body won.

Why did the pumpkin go to the doctor? It didn't feel so gourd.

What month of the year has 28 days? All of them.

I'd tell you a pizza joke, but it's probably too cheesy.

What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open-toad shoes.

Why shouldn't you trust illustrators? They can be sketchy.

Why did the car take a nap? It was tired.

Did you hear about dry cleaner who got arrested? He was laundering money.

Why did the football player hire a lawyer? He needed help with his defense.

Why did the mortician clock out of work early? He was dying to leave.

Why was the strawberry sad? It found itself in a jam.

What is a balloon's least favorite kind of music? Pop.

When's the best time to visit the dentist? Tooth-hurty.

Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected foul play.

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

What did one avocado say to the other? You guac my world.

I used to own a taser. It was stunning.

I don't like facial hair, but it's starting to grow on me.

Once I ate a fancy Italian restaurant. It cost a pretty penne.

What happens when doctors get mad? They lose their patients.

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

What did the roof say to the shingle? This one's on the house.

Did you hear about the evil hen? It lays deviled eggs.

Why was the broom late to work? It over-swept.

Where do cows go on date night? The moo-vies.

I once bought a broken guitar. No strings attached.

How do astronomers propose? They planet.

How do you make an eggroll? Push it.

What kind of witch likes to go to the beach? A sandwich.

What's a pirate's favorite letter? The "C."

What do pigs use in the shower? Hogwash.

What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.

What's the best way to watch a fishing show? Live stream.

Two radios got married. The reception was amazing.

What do you call it when two boats fall in love? A row-mance.

I saw someone at the bank checking their balance. So, I pushed them over.

How does Darth Vader prefer his toast? On the dark side.

What did the horse say after he tripped? "I've fallen and I can't giddy up."

Funny corny jokes

Why can't you borrow money from elves? They're always short.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work.

Why did the bank robber wash his clothes before escaping? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

What do you call a hat for your leg? Kneecap.

What do you call an automobile filled with water? A car-pool.

How do trains listen? With their engine-ears.

What goes up and down but never moves? Stairs.

How does a train eat? It choo-choos.

How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.

What did one egg say to the other? You crack me up.

What's a zucchini's favorite sport? Squash.

What's a cucumber's favorite sport? Pickleball.

Why do ghosts ride elevators? It lifts their spirits.

What did the envelope say to the stamp? Stick with me and you'll go places.

Why did the girl jump up and down before pouring her juice? The carton said to "Shake well before drinking."

Why shouldn't you use a dull pencil? Because it's pointless.

A book fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.

Why don't leopards play hide-and-seek? They're always spotted.

Why don't ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.

How do you put a spaceship to sleep? You rocket.

What do you need to cook an alligator? A croc-pot.

Corny jokes for kids

Why couldn't the bike stand up? It was two-tired.

What did the ocean say to the sad seaweed? Sea kelp.

Where does Wonder Woman go shopping? At the supermarket.

What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers.

Why can't noses be longer than 12 inches? Because they'd be a foot.

What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.

Why did the boy throw a stick of butter out the window? He wanted to see a butterfly.

What's the best way to catch a school of fish? With bookworms.

How do you make a hotdog stand? Take away its chair.

What do you call a duck on the Fourth of July? A fire-quacker.

What do sea monsters eat for dinner? Fish and ships.

How do Eskimos repair broken dishes? With igloo.

Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.

Why did the queen go to the dentist? To get crowns on her teeth.

What did Benjamin Franklin say after discovering electricity? "I'm shocked!"

What did the earthquake say after it was over? "Sorry, my fault!"

Did you read the book about anti-gravity? You can't put it down.

What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer.

Did you hear about the spaghetti in disguise? It's an impasta.

What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else? Nacho cheese.  

What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crumby.

Adult corny jokes

What did the doctor say to the patient who wanted to do his own anesthetic? "Knock yourself out!"

Did you hear about the Italian cook who had an accident? He pasta way.

What did the quilt saying after falling off the bed? "Oh, sheet!"

What do you call it when you can't take off your bra? A booby trap.

What did the therapist say to the man wearing see-through shorts? I can clearly see you're nuts.

Did you hear about the emotional wedding? Even the cake was in tiers.

How do you know when a pepper is mad? It gets jalapeño face.

What did the computer say at the end of a long day? I gotta crash.

Did you hear about the man paranoid about picnics? He's a basket case.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Did you hear about the homicidal oatmeal? It's a cereal killer.

How did the dragon get bronchitis? It smoked knights.

What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

What do you call a pig on a hot day? Bakin.'

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colors? It had reptile dysfunction.

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

What happens when you eat aluminum foil? You sheet metal.

Did you hear about the girl who cut off the left side of her body? She's all right.

Why don't animals play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

Why can't anyone write a good drinking song? They can't get past the first few bars.

Did you hear about the deer who won the lottery? It got a million bucks.

Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?

How do you know when a clown breaks wind? Something smells funny.

Why shouldn't you marry a calendar? Its days are numbered.

Why did the fish blush? It saw the ocean's bottom.

Did you hear about the guy who wanted to be a gold prospector? It didn't pan out.

What's the bad thing about birthdays? Too many will kill you.

Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's in the ER waiting to be seen.

What did the grape say to the wine after they broke up? "I'm crushed."

What kind of award do you give dentist of the year? A little plaque.

Did you hear about the coffee robbery? It got mugged.

Why did the nurse keep a red pen handy? In case she had to draw blood.

Short corny jokes

What do you call an indecisive bug? A may-bee.

How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

What kind of shoes do bananas wear? Slippers.

Did you hear the sausage joke? It's the wurst.

What kind of band can't play music? A rubber-band.

What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.

What do you call people who sleep in their socks? Tiny.

Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.

What did one flower say to the other? Hi bud.

What do you call a guy who's always writing out checks? Bill.

How should you serve smart burgers? On honor rolls.

Why is six scared? Because seven ate nine.

Did you hear about the tree who watched a scary movie? It was petrified.

What causes dry skin? Towels.

What should you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc.

I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.

Not all math puns are bad, just sum.

Why did the deer go to the dentist? It had buck teeth.

Why shouldn't you trust stairs? They're always up to something.

What does a house wear? Address.

Why should you avoid trees? They can be shady.

Corny knock-knock jokes

Knock, knock! Who's there? Spell. Spell who? W-H-O.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Mandy. Mandy who? Mandy lifeboats, the ship is going down.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Jess. Jess who? Jess me, that's who.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Accordion. Accordion who? Accordion to the weather, it's going to rain.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to hear another knock-knock joke?

Knock, knock! Who's there? Genoa. Genoa who? Genoa good dentist? I have a cavity.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Diane. Diane who? I'm Diane to see you, let me in.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Shelly. Shelly who? Shelly-brate good times, c'mon!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Frank. Frank who? Frank you for asking, it's me.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida big dinner and now I'm stuffed.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Owl. Owl who? Correct.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help opening the door, that's why I knocked.

Knock, knock! Who's there? The interrupting cow. The interrupting ... MOOOOOOO.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Deja vu. Deja vu who? Knock knock!  

Knock knock. Who's there? Yoda lady. Yoda lady who? Wow! I didn't know you could yodel.

Knock knock. Who's there? Turnip. Turnip who? Turnip the volume, I love this song!

Knock knock. Who's there? Cheese. Cheese who? For cheese a jolly good fellow.

Knock knock. Who's there? Water. Water who? Water you waiting for? Open the door.

Knock knock. Who's there? Justice. Justice who? Justice I suspected, you need a new doorbell.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Hurley. Hurley who? Hurley bird gets the worm.

50 Funny Jokes Worthy Of A Knee-Slap And Chuckle

If you're having a bad day, are bored, or need something to spice up a monotonous workday, funny jokes are the way to go. Read them to yourself as a little pick-me-up, or recite them to friends and family as your own. Don't worry! We won't tell.

From the 50 funny jokes on our list, we're all but certain one or more of them will make you smile, chuckle, guffaw, or even snort! Best of all, these jokes are suitable enough to share with kids, so they too can get in on the fun. In the mix of quips are short jokes, jokes for friends, jokes for coworkers, and even knock-knock jokes. You can't mess with the classics!

Read on for giggles galore!

Good Housekeeping

Jokes for Kids

Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Nahhh, it's too cheesy!

What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!

What do you call a cold dog? A chili dog.

Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school.

What do you call a lion with no eyes? Lon

What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved.

I try not to tell dad jokes. But when I do, he thinks they're really funny.

What do cakes and baseball teams have in common? They both need a good batter.

Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snow bank.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Good Housekeeping

Short Jokes

Why are horses so sleepy? They're always hitting the hay.

What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I'll go on a head.

What insect is the sneakiest? Spy-ders.

Why are trees so unreliable? They're shady.

Why was the broom late for work? It over-swept.

Why are bunnies so great at catch? They always g-rabbit!

What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty!

Why did the two rabbits get on so well? Love was in the hare.

What's it called when french fries hang out? A ketchup.

What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts

Good Housekeeping

Jokes for Co-Workers

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

What is a computer's first sign of old age? Loss of memory.

My boss asked me how good I was at making spreadsheets.I told him I Excel at it.

Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.

What do computers like to eat? Chips.

Where will you find Friday before Thursday? A dictionary.

I pity the calendar. Its days are numbered.

Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.

How do you stay warm in any room? Go to the corner — it's always 90 degrees.

Why did the developer go broke? Because he used up all his cache.

Good Housekeeping

Jokes for Friends

Why are Undertakers such good tippers? They pay an arm and a leg.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reali-tea

What is a cloud's least favorite exercise? Yoga. It struggles to feel grounded.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

What questions should you never ask while winter skating? Icebreakers.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

What snack never gets mad? Pickles. They're cool as a cucumber.

Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

What classic bar game do swimmers always win? Pool.

Besides a rake and shovel, what tool do all gardeners need? A yardstick.

Good Housekeeping

Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock.Who's there?Boo.Boo who?Don't cry, it's just a joke!

Knock Knock.Who's there?Sherwood!Sherwood who?Sherwood like to come in!

Knock, knock.Who's there?To.To who?No, it's actually "to whom."

Knock knock.Who's there?Radio.Radio who?Radi-o not, here I come.

Knock, knock.Who's there?Lettuce.Lettuce who?Lettuce in, it's cold out here.

Knock, knock.Who's there?Cow says.Cow says who?No, a cow says mooooo!

Knock knock.Who's there?Robin.Robin who?Robin you. Give me your money!

Knock Knock.Who's there?Butter!Butter who?Butter bring an umbrella, it looks like it might rain!

Knock, Knock.Who's there?Goat.Goat who?Goat to the door and find out.

Knock, knock.Who's there?Anita.Anita who?Anita use the bathroom, please open the door!

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