funny joke of the day for work :: Article Creator150 Funny Jokes To Have Up Your Sleeve, Guaranteed To Have You Laughing All Day Long
Ok ok, so we're not claiming to be Ed Gamble or James Acaster, but sometimes you just need a funny joke up your sleeve. Maybe a first date just got a bit awkward and you need a a classic dad joke, or you're trying to make your niece laugh with a knock knock joke. Or maybe you need to help a friend cheer up, or you've just been approached by one of those TikTokers shouting "If you make me laugh I will buy you a car."
Here are 150 funny jokes to have up your sleeve, for when you really need a laugh even if you do think they're a bit cringe.
One liner jokes
How do you know if a vampire is unwell? Because he'll be coffin
Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand shops
Why did the bicycle collapse? It was too tyred
What kind of music do bubbles hate? Pop
Why did the hairdresser win the race? He knew a shortcut
How did the picture end up in prison? It was framed
What do solicitors wear to work? Lawsuits
Why did the bullet lose its job? It got fired
Why can't a toe be 12 inches long? Then it'd be a foot
Want to hear a joke about a roof? The first one's on the house
What does a house wear?Address!
What did one wall say to the other? "I'll meet you at the corner"
Why is grass so dangerous? It's full of blades
What's orange and sounds like a carrot? A parrot
Why do French people eat snails? They don't like fast food
Where do hamburgers and hot dogs go dancing? A meatball
They just log on!
Sign language
What's America's favourite soda? Mini soda
Why shouldn't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Caesars
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? She'll let it go
What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands
How do you follow a book? You track their footnotes
What's the biggest problem with snow boots? They melt
What tree can fit in your hand? A palm tree
Why are astronauts so clean? They take meteor showers
Why are ghosts bad liars? They're totally see through
Haven't we metaphor?
You will be mist
How does the ocean say hi? It waves
How did the art competition end? In a draw
Corny jokes
Why did the bike fall over? It was two tired
Where can you buy soup in bulk? The stock market
What's brown and sticky? A stick
Why do bees have sticky hair? They use honeycombs
Sea monsters have been known to eat what? Fish and ships
What do you call a vicar who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law
What kind of cheese doesn't belong to you? Nacho cheese
How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring
Which month of the year has 28 days? Um all of them
Why was the broom late to work? It over-swept
What does a pig use in the shower? Hog wash
So why don't ants get sick? They have anty-bodies
What did the drummer call his daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2
Why do computers overheat? They need to vent
What goes up and down but doesn't actually move? Stairs
Food jokes
What do PHD students eat when they're hungry? Academia nuts
Why should you always knock before opening the fridge door? In case there's a salad dressing
Why couldn't the sesame seed stop talking? He was on a roll
Why do prawns never share? Because they're shellfish
What did the cheese say to himself in the mirror? Halloumi!
What do you call a drunk parsnip? A steaming vegetable
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling
What did one pickle say to the other? Dill with it
What food is never on time? Choco-late!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta
How much room should you give to the funghi? As mushroom as you can
What do you call a cup of coffee with a pair of trousers in it? A cupachinos
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? Gourdgeous
How does Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon
What nuts always seem to have a cold? Cashews
Why did the M&M want to go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie
Elvis Parsley
What is the favourite fruit of twins? Pears
What do you give to cure a sick lemon? Lemon aid
What would you call a peanut in space? An astronut
I could tell you a pizza joke… But it would probably be cheesy
What happens when a walnut laughs heavily? It cracks up
Excuse me sir, will my pizza be long? Why no, it'll be round
What sweet treat is never on time? Choco-late
What's the saddest fruit? A blueberry
Where did the lettuce go for a drink? The salad bar
Animal jokes
Why do fish live in salt water? Pepper makes them sneeze
What are spiders really good at? Surfing the web
What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador
How does a farmer keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator
What do you call an alligator detective? Where would you find a giraffe? Why don't they play cards in the jungle? What social events do spiders love to attend? What do you get from a pampered cow? Why aren't koalas considered bears? What do you call a well-balanced horse? What do you call a bear with no teeth? What's the smartest insect? Where do cows go on Friday nights? How do you make a baby snake cry? What do you call a chicken that makes jokes? What are caterpillars scared of? Why didn't the lion win the race? Why did the bee get married? Why can't the leopard hide? What kind of jacket does an octopus wear? What sort of sandals do frogs wear? I was told I needed to stop acting like a flamingo... What do you call a goat who paints pictures? Why are mice afraid of swimming? What do you call a singer with a laptop on her head? When is a door not a door? What do toilets do when they're embarrassed? How do you organise a space-themed party? Why do pancakes always win at cricket? Why did the robot arrive at the event so tired? What do runners eat before a race? How do you stop an astronaut's toddler from crying? What do you call an unpredictable camera? Why shouldn't you use a broken pencil? What did the policeman say to his nipple? Why couldn't the sailor learn the alphabet? Why was Cinderella so bad at rugby? What did the dentist win at the competition? What do you call a skeleton with only a head? What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Why do ghosts like to take the lift? What do you call a patronising bear? Why did the scarecrow win an award? Why didn't the skeleton never go on dates? Do you want to hear a construction joke? Why doesn't Dracula have any friends? What do you call a guy who's really loud? What do you call a retired vegetable? Why shouldn't you marry a calendar? Why do barbers make good drivers? What do you call a detective that accidentally solves the case? What's it called when you have too many aliens? What should you do if you're cold? What does a clock do when it's hungry? Why did Shakespeare always write with a pen? What does one eye say to the other eye? What was Forrest Gump's email password? Why should you never trust stairs? What's the spookiest kind of author? What did the comedian say to Harry Potter? Why do we tell actors to 'break a leg'? What's an astronaut's favourite part of a keyboard? Did you hear about the people who stole a calendar? Why is it hard to eat near basketball players? Did you hear about the actor falling through the floorboards? Did you hear about the group ski trip? Why did you decide to get rid of your vacuum? This is my step-ladder… I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I was going to take a bath… A bossy man walked into a bar… 40 Spring Jokes That Will Get The Laughs Blooming
How are you planning to celebrate the first day of spring? If you're still figuring it out, why not kick off the season with some laughs by sharing spring jokes?
Sure, inspiring and heartwarming spring quotes are great for welcoming new beginnings. But let's be real—nothing beats gathering your friends and family to share a few hilarious spring-themed jokes that'll have everyone cracking up.
Below, we've rounded up the funniest spring jokes of the year! From flower jokes to kid-friendly giggles, spring break humor and spring weather puns, there's a joke for everyone to enjoy.
It doesn't get any better—or funnier—than this! So dive into these spring jokes below and get ready to laugh your way into the new season. Trust us, your funny bone will thank you!
Get Reader's Digest's Read Up newsletter for more humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long.
Best spring jokes
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1. Why are waterbeds so bouncy?
They're filled with spring water.
2. Does February march?
No, but April may!
3. Which month of the year is the shortest?
May. It only has three letters.
4. Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug?
She's having her babies in the spring.
5. What can you find in the middle of April and March but not at the beginning or end of either?
The letter R!
6. Why is Yoda such a good gardener?
He has a green thumb.
7. What did the dirt say to the rain?
You'd better cut it out, or my name will be mud!
8. It's allergy season again?! You've got to be pollen my leg.
9. When is the best time to wash your Slinky?
During spring cleaning.
10. The bed store is having a spring sale. Unfortunately, the rest of the beds are still full price.
11. What do gardeners wear on their legs?
Garden hose.
12. How can you tell the weather's getting warmer?
There's a spring in people's steps.
13. What do you call an emergency in spring?
May Day.
Spring flower jokes
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14. What is a flower's favorite kind of pickle?
A daffo-dill.
15. Why is the letter A like a flower?
Because a B comes after it!
16. How do you plant a kiss in spring?
With two lips. (This also makes a good Valentine's Day joke!)
17. When is it impossible to plant flowers?
When you haven't botany.
18. What did the seed say to the flower?
OK, bloomer!
19. Why couldn't the little flower ride a bike?
It didn't have any petals.
20. How do brand-new spring flowers greet each other?
"Hey, bud!"
21. I just opened a flower shop. Business is blooming.
22. What's the best flower for a boy to give on Mother's Day?
A son-flower.
23. Did you hear about the flower who went on a date with another flower?
It's a budding romance.
24. How can you tell spring flowers are friendly?
They always have new buds.
25. Should I plant flowers in April?
May as well!
26. What type of flower do you plant in the dark?
A light bulb.
27. What's the best way to create a bouncy pool?
By adding spring water!
28. Why did the farmer bury his money?
To make his soil rich.
29. Why was the bee mad?
You'd be mad, too, if someone stole your honey and nectar.
Spring jokes for kids
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30. Did you hear the one about the gardener who couldn't wait for spring?
He was so excited, he wet his plants!
31. Which superhero likes spring the best?
Robin.
32. Which month is the politest when asking questions?
The month of May.
33. How do bees brush their hair?
With honeycombs.
34. What did the tree say during springtime?
"Well, this is a re-leaf!"
35. Did you know we prank one another on April 1?
Yes, I'm fooly aware!
36. How does the sun listen to music?
On the ray-dio.
37. Did you hear about the flowers that died and then came back to life?
It must have been reincarnation.
38. Did you see that all the snow and ice are melting?
Yes, I thaw!
39. Who is an herb's favorite singer?
Elvis Parsley!
40. In all of spring, it can rain cats and dogs, but when does it rain monkeys?
In Ape-ril.
41. When it starts raining ducks and chickens, that's some fowl weather.
Spring break jokes
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42. What traveled around the world over spring break but stayed in one place?
A stamp.
43. What did the chipper spring breaker say to his beach buddies?
Seas the day!
44. Where did the egg go for spring break?
New Yolk City.
45. Why don't skeletons go on vacation during spring break?
They have no body to go with!
46. Why do bees stay in their hives during spring break?
They're too buzzy planning their next road trip!
47. Where do cows go for spring break?
Moo Jersey.
48. Why did the man try to fix his bed?
He heard there was a spring break.
49. What do you call a bowl of cereal in the month of April?
Spring break-fast!
50. What did the parents say to their kids when they went to the beach for spring break?
"Long time, no sea!"
51. Where is the funniest place to visit during spring break?
The mountains, because they're hilly-areas.
52. Why didn't the spring breakers go to the forest?
Because the trees said, "Leave me alone."
53. Why did the spring breakers miss their flight?
They had no spring in their steps.
54. What did the baker's son do over spring break?
He loafed around.
55. Where did the shark go for summer vacation?
Finland.
56. What do fishermen play with their kids during spring break?
Go fish!
57. What spring break destination allows you to bring pet birds?
The Canary Islands.
58. Why didn't the teacher wear sunglasses over spring break?
Because her brightest students weren't around.
59. How does the ocean say hello on spring break?
It waves!
Spring weather jokes
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60. What do you call a deer who enjoys playing in the rain?
A reindeer.
61. What is a flower's favorite song?
"Rain on Me" by Lady Gaga.
62. What goes up when the rain goes up?
Umbrellas.
63. Why was the cake wet?
It got sprinkled.
64. What animal runs the fastest during spring storms?
Cheetahs, because they move at lightning speeds.
65. How can you make the sky prettier?
With a rainbow.
66. What's a tornado's favorite game?
Twister.
67. I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.
68. What falls but never gets hurt?
The rain.
69. What is a king's favorite kind of weather?
Reign-y weather!
Spring animal jokes
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70. What is a chick's favorite vegetable?
Eggplant.
71. Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
72. Spring is everything I wanted it to bee, and more!
73. What did the gray rabbit say to the blue rabbit?
Cheer up!
74. Can bees fly in the rain?
Sure—if they wear yellow jackets!
75. What do you call a bear caught in a spring shower?
A drizzly bear.
76. Which bird should you never let into a jewelry store?
A robin.
77. What's the real reason the birds fly north in April?
For spring beak!
78. What do you call a rabbit that tells good jokes?
A funny bunny.
79. How do sheep celebrate Memorial Day?
With a baa-baa cue.
Spring food jokes
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80. Why was the strawberry sad?
His mom was in a jam!
81. What beverage does a tree drink the most?
Root beer!
82. What happens when you tell an egg a joke?
It cracks up.
83. What's the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.
84. Why did the gardener plant a seed in the pond?
To grow a water-melon.
85. What do you get when you push a bunch of Easter eggs down a hill?
Spring rolls.
Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader's Digest runs it.
Why trust us
Reader's Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That's Funny. We've earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as "Life in These United States," "All in a Day's Work," "Laughter Is the Best Medicine" and "Humor in Uniform," as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they're great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader's Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
100 Funny Valentine's Day Jokes That Are Heart To Resist
Whether you totally love Valentine's Day or are counting down the days until Feb. 15, we're here with a list of funny Valentine's Day jokes to ensure that, either way, your heart-shaped holiday is filled with laughter. It's the season of love, after all, and there's no better way to celebrate all those Xs and os than with a few one-liners and funny puns.
For instance, who's Cupid's favorite rock band? Heart, of course. How about this one: Why do tennis players make the best spouses? They know everything about love. Did you ever wonder what you call two birds in love? Tweethearts, naturally.
Admit it. Even if you're cringing right now, there's a pretty good chance that you're also chuckling just a little, because dad jokes in any form are funny stuff.
In honor of Valentine's Day, we've gathered our favorite groan-worthy gags on Cupid, hearts, chocolate, love and just about everything else related to Feb. 14.
This collection of holiday-themed wisecracks is bound to bring a smile to your face, not to mention your kids, family, best friend, sweetheart and just about anyone else with a healthy sense of humor. And considering the mascot for Valentine's Day is a naked, winged-cherub that shoots arrows at people, it's almost a crime not to crack a joke or two.
Speaking of crimes, what's the best way to get arrested on Valentine's Day? Steal someone's heart. Ba-dum-tss. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Funny Valentine's Day jokes
What did one spice say to the other on Feb. 14? Will you be my Valen-thyme? What did the maple syrup say to the waffle? "I'm sweet on you." What did the painter say to his wife on Valentine's Day? I love you with all my art. What's the one flower you should never give on Valentine's Day? Cauliflower. What's pink, oinks and shoots arrows on Valentine's Day? Cu-pig. 
What did one rabbit say to the other? "Somebunny loves you." How do farmers celebrate Valentine's Day? With hogs and kisses. What did the stamp say to the envelope? "I'm stuck on you." What did one chemist say to the other? "I've got my ion you." Did you hear about the two tennis players that fell in love? It was a courtship. 
What candy never shows up on time? Choco-late. Can February march? No, but April may! What's the best kind of air to give on Valentine's Day? Million-aire. Why couldn't the computer go out to dinner on Valentine's Day? It had a virus. What did one ant give the other on Feb. 14? A Valen-tiny. 
Why do melons get married in church? Because they cantaloupe. Did you hear about the shoes that got engaged? They're sole-mates. Why did the skeleton call off the wedding? His heart wasn't in it. What did one drum say to the other? "My heart beats for you." What's the best way to get arrested on Valentine's Day? Steal someone's heart. What did one cat say to the other on Valentine's Day? "You're purr-fect." 
What flowers get the most kisses on Valentine's Day? Tulips. What happens after two spiders get engaged? They have a webbing. What did one pickle say to the other? "You mean a great dill to me." Where's the best place to find dates? The grocery store. Valentine's Day dad jokes
Why do tennis players make the best spouses? They know everything about love. Why was the cook arrested on Valentine's Day? She was caught beating an egg. What do you call an army of baby Cupids? An infantry. Why are only girls born on Valentine's Day? Because there's no mail delivery on holidays. For Valentine's Day I asked Cupid for a million dollars. Cupid said, "Get real." So, I responded with, "OK, I want a boyfriend." To which Cupid replied, "Cash or check?" 
My girlfriend said she wanted a fairy tale relationship. So I left her in the forest with a loaf of bread. One did one squirrel say to the other? "I'm nuts about you." Why shouldn't you marry a pastry chef? They're known to be desserters. Are you a bank loan? Because you got my interest. I heard a joke about chocolate candy bars. It wasn't very funny. But I still Snickered. Best Valentine's Day jokes
What did one tangerine say to the other on Valentine's Day? "Orange you sweet?" What did Han Solo say to Princess Leia on Valentine's Day? "Yoda one for me." What did the two rocks pledge at their wedding? To never take each other for granite. What did the omelet say to the toast on Valentine's Day? "You're eggs-actly my type." Why can't deer kiss? Because they have buck teeth. 
Are you the internet? Because I'm feeling a connection. I was wondering why my feet got cold. Then I remembered you knocked my socks off. What did the magnet say to the fridge? I find you so attractive. Did you hear about the wedding between the sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake. What's the best way to get a date for Valentine's Day? Look at a calendar. What kind of dinner does Cupid eat? A heart-y one. 
What do astronauts say to their sweethearts? "I love you to the moon and back." Who's Cupid's favorite rock band? Heart. What's Cupid's favorite candy? Hershey's Kisses. Why was the ghost sad on Valentine's Day? He didn't have a boo. Why does Cupid like lettuce? It's got a heart. What did one pig say to the other? Don't go bacon my heart. What did one plate say to the other on Valentine's Day? "Tonight, dinner's on me." 
Did you hear about the two radios that got married? The reception was amazing. What's a bread loaf's favorite song? "All You Knead is Love." Did you hear about the spider wedding? Yes, they're newly-webs. Did you hear about the vampire wedding? It was love at first bite. What did the grizzly say to the panda? "You're beary special to me." What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts. 
What do olives say to each other on Valentine's Day? "Olive you." What did the graham cracker say to the marshmallow? "I love you s'more and s'more each day." What did one whale say to the other on Valentine's Day? "I whale always love you." What do you call it when two boats fall in love? A row-mance. How did the telephone propose? With a ring. Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef? They'll dessert you. What did one tomato say to the other on Valentine's Day? "I love you from my head to-ma-toes." Valentine's Day puns
How do astronomers propose on Valentine's Day? They planet. What did the acorn say to the tree? "I'm fallin' for you." What did the thread say to the needle? "I'm sew into you." What did one yardstick say to the other? "We be-long together." What did one lamp say to the other? "You light up my life." What did one banana say to the other? "You've got appeal." 
What did one flea say to the other? "You're dyna-mite!" What did one toad say to the other? "Never frog-et how much I love you." What did one volcano say to the other? "I lava you." What one cantaloupe say to the other? "You're one in a melon." What did the latte say to the espresso? "We are meant to bean." What did one popsicle say to the other? "You make me melt." 
What did one recliner say to the other? "I chair-ish you." What did one hotdog say to the other? "You're a real wiener!" What did one light bulb say to the other? "I love you watts and watts." Why did the astronaut couple break up? They needed space. What did the purse say to the handbag? "I never want to leave your side." 
What did one puzzle piece say to the other? "We fit together." What did one scientist say to the other? "We've got great chemistry." What did the pasta say to the tomato? "I love it when you get saucy." What did one sheep say to the other? "Ewe complete me." Valentine's Day knock-knock jokes
Knock, knock. Who's there? Daryl. Daryl who? Daryl never be anyone like you. Knock, knock. Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Mary me, I love you. Knock, knock. Who's there? Bee. Bee who? Bee mine. Knock, knock. Who's there? Kenya. Kenya who? Kenya be my Valentine already. 
Knock, knock. Who's there? Beak. Beak who? Beak careful with my heart. Knock, knock. Who's there? Fur. Fur who? Fur you, I'd do anything. Knock, knock. Who's there? Dough. Dough who? Dough you wish it was Valentine's Day already? Knock, knock. Who's there? Mustache. Mustache who? I mustache you to be mine. Knock, knock. Who's there? Love. Love who? Aw, love you too. 
Knock, knock. Who's there? Teddy. Teddy who? Teddy is Valentine's Day. Knock, knock. Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Butter together than apart. Knock, knock. Who's there? Anita. Anita who? Anita tell you that I love you. Knock, knock. Who's there? Peas. Peas who? Peas be mine.
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