cake jokes :: Article Creator60 Wedding Jokes And Puns That Take The CakeWedding Humor - Reader's Digest
60 Wedding Jokes and Puns That Take the CakeWedding Humor
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Vow to make everyone laugh on the big day—and the days leading up to it—with these hilarious wedding jokes
READER'S DIGEST, GETTY IMAGES Funny wedding jokes
What is the best place to research wedding DJs?Wiki-wiki-wikipedia. Why did the two cannonballs have a shotgun wedding?They were already expecting BBs. Why did the bride put on an extra pair of socks?Because she didn't want to get cold feet. Which side of a wedding cake has the most frosting?The outside. Why did Einstein invite time to his wedding?Because time was relative. What did the groom say when he spent $500 to rent a limousine, then realized he had to hire the driver separately?"I spent all that money, and I have nothing to chauffeur it." Did you hear about the two cellphones that got married?The reception was excellent. Did you hear the one about the soup at the wedding?It was broth-taking! What's the worst kind of cake to have at your wedding?The kind that fell on the floor. How does a wedding planner stay in shape?By running down the aisle. What kind of music do bunnies dance to at their weddings?Hip-hop. What did the groom say when his wedding was burglarized?"I've been robbed before, but this one took the cake." Why did the vegetarian couple hire a DJ for their wedding?So he could turnip the beets. What did the mathematician say at her wedding?"The odds of this working are better as a pair." Why was the marshmallow wedding so perfect?Because the couple was toasted just right. READER'S DIGEST, GETTY IMAGES Marriage jokes
How did the author know he'd found his perfect match?She was Mrs. Write. Why did the bee get married?Because he found his honey. Did you hear about the bald man who married his comb?He promised, "I'll never part with it!" Why did the jumper cables get married?They had a major spark. What do you call two spiders who just got married?Newlywebs. What's the advantage of marrying a tennis player?Love means everything to them. What did they say about the nuclear technicians who got married?The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing. Why do painters fall for their husbands?Because they love them with all of their art. What did the acrobat say to his new wife?"I'm head over heels in love with you." Did you hear about the florists who got married?It was an arranged marriage. READER'S DIGEST, GETTY IMAGES Best wedding jokes
What's it called when you get the weird feeling you heard the same song earlier in the reception?DJ-vu. Where do bunnies get ready for their weddings?At the hare-dresser. Did you hear about the two spiders who just got married?I hear they met on the web. Why can't you tell a joke at a vampire wedding?The reception always sucks. Why don't birds write their wedding vows ahead of time?They like to wing it. What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married?Can't elope. What do you call a wedding with a missing groom?A wife-threatening situation. Why did the scarecrow get married in a field?He was outstanding in it. How do astronomers get married?They planet. How do you know when a wedding is particularly emotional?Even the cake is in tiers. What did the accountants say to each other at the altar?"Till debt do us part!" What looks like half a wedding cake?The other half. READER'S DIGEST, GETTY IMAGES Wedding one-liners
A wise man once said, "I don't know. Ask my wife." Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life. Take advantage of that as much as you can. If you enjoy searching for someone else's lost stuff, try marriage! The happiest moment of my wedding was realizing that planning my wedding was over. You'll never guess what I got you from your registry of preselected gifts! We swore to share everything in marriage—except the last piece of cake. That's a nonnegotiable. Marriage is all about finding that one person you want to steal the covers from for the rest of your life. If at first you don't succeed, try doing it how your wife told you to. I got a wedding invitation that said "black tie only," but when I got there, everyone else had on tuxedos. Getting married is great because on one hand, you get to wear a ring, but on the other hand, you don't. READER'S DIGEST, GETTY IMAGES Best wedding puns
We're knot kidding—we're getting married! I talk about my wedding cake a lot. Icing about it too. I cannoli be happy when I'm with you because you make marriage sweet. The couple were both pianists, so they had a very well-orchestrated marriage. Now that they are married, they are both footloose and fiancé-free. For butter or worse, a toast to the newlyweds! I'd like to propose a toast … but I forgot to bring bread. The wedding bouquet was missing a few flowers. It was lack-a-daisy-cal. He's my rock, and I'm his diamond. Eat, drink and be married! Why trust us
Reader's Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That's Funny. We've earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as "Life in These United States," "All in a Day's Work," "Laughter, the Best Medicine" and "Humor in Uniform," as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they're great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader's Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this piece on wedding jokes, Laura Beck tapped her 15-plus years of experience as a professional humor writer for TV shows and magazines. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
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102 Birthday Jokes That Make Getting Older So Much Better - Reader's Digest
It's their birthday, so let them eat cake. No, seriously—it's a party, and everyone is expecting cake! They may also be looking for a gift or two, and these funny birthday jokes are the perfect thing, and not just if you're broke. The best jokes are terrific for writing in texts or cards, entertaining a crowd or simply cracking yourself up if you're the birthday boy or girl. Hey, if you're going to get another year older, you might as well have a few chuckles along the way.
From hilarious short jokes and classic knock-knock jokes to clever birthday puns and one-liners, we have it all right here. Looking for age-appropriate jokes for kids? We've got those too. Remember: More laughter is what we should all wish for when we blow out our candles because unlike a birthday pony, we won't have to clean up after it.
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Funny birthday jokes
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How are birthdays like margaritas?The more you have, the less you care. What do you always get on your birthday?Another year older. Why didn't Ryan Gosling have any birthday cake?He'd had Kenough. Why do we put candles on the top of birthday cakes?Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom. What is the best way to remember your wife's birthday?Forget it once. What type of birthday cake do ghosts prefer?"I scream" cake. Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?Because it was marble cake! Why do people snore more when they get older?It's nature's way of letting those they live with know they're still alive. Why should you celebrate your birthday in a pool after age 50?There's no chance of the candles starting a fire. What should you say to a donkey on his birthday?Don't let them pin anything on you. What happens if no one shows up to your birthday party?You get to have your cake and eat it too! Why did the nun celebrate her birthday a day early every year?Habit. What do you call a three-layer birthday cake?Delicious. What happened when the past, the present and the future arrived at the birthday party with the same gifts?It was tense. Why do candles love birthday parties?They get totally lit. How do pickles celebrate their birthday?They relish it. Who knew food could be so funny? Actually, we did! Check out more funny food puns right here.
Birthday dad jokes
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Why shouldn't you invite a cow to a birthday party?They bring pies, not cake. How do ponies let you know they don't want to go to a birthday party?They say, "Neigh." How are birthdays like an eclipse?You may black out at some point. How did the birthday clown get to the party?In a Clown Victoria. What did the fisherman give his wife for her birthday?A can of worms. When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?When you slice it. How many dads does it take to bake a cake?One … but it takes him three beers and four trips to the grocery store. Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his cake?It was Chewie. What is a vampire's favorite flavor of icing?Blood orange. Me: "It's my birthday. Some places sing "Happy Birthday" and give out free cake."Them: "Sir, this is a bank." What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?"Aye, matey!" What did the condiment say at the party?"Mayo I have some cake?" Where do you get a birthday present for your cat?From a cat-alogue. What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?They were all born on holidays. What happened when the worker played musical chairs at the office birthday party?He took his boss's seat, and now he's unemployed. What does a mechanic do on his birthday?Calibrate. What do you call your 21st birthday?Your beer-thday. Do you know what it means when you have your 21st birthday?You can no longer count your age on your fingers and toes. What happen robbers crash a birthday party?They take the cake. Why did the bread get nervous at the birthday party?Everyone was toasting. Admit it: You laughed at every single one of those. Here are more dad jokes that are actually really funny.
Birthday one-liners
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It's not polite to ask a woman her age—especially if she knows karate. I like my birthdays like I like my coffee: with a little bit of whiskey when no one's looking. Never let an arsonist light your birthday candles. My best birthday-party trick is showing up when the cake is being served. Women live longer than men—especially men who forget their wives' birthdays. Don't worry about tomorrow—just focus on the presents. My favorite flavor of cake is "Baked by Professionals." Some people get sad on their birthday. Those people need more ice cream. You know you're getting old when the heat from your birthday candles singes off your eyebrows. You're not old—you're mid-century modern. Why aren't we supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth? What if he's got another gift under his tongue? "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age." —Lucille Ball "The older you get, the better you get—unless you are a banana." —Betty White At least you're not as old as you will be next year. You're not getting older—you're getting better at denial. Have a grate birthday! (Unless you think that's too cheesy.) Happy birthday: You're one in a melon! When it comes to cutting the birthday cake: Measure twice, stuff it in your face three times. When I was a kid, for my birthday my dad would roll me down the hill in a tire—those were Goodyears. Birthdays are like roller coasters: There are a lot of ups and downs, and someone is going to throw up at some point. Love getting maximum laughs for minimum words? Bookmark this list of funny one-liners that are perfect for text, cards, memes and more.
Birthday jokes about aging
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As long as you don't have to vacuum the dust out of your crows'-feet, you're not that old. Weight-bearing exercise is really important as we get older, which is why you should lift two gallons of ice cream on your birthday. Birthday math: 60 is the new 40. And 9 o'clock is the new midnight. I may be old this year, but … what was I saying? One minute you're young and fun. The next, you look forward to senior discount day at the grocery store. In honor of your birthday, I had a facelift … so I could look surprised at your party. I celebrated with a destination birthday. That destination was my pharmacist. You know you're getting older when you have to use GPS to locate your boobs. Celebrate like you did when you were born: Scream because you don't know where you are or how you know these people. Buck up: You're younger than the Mona Lisa, and people still visit her. Thanks to Facebook, I know when everyone's birthday is, including the people I don't like. Why don't adults have superhero birthday parties? Cake and spandex. It's your birthday. Are you ready to GRUMBLE? How do you know you're old? When you can't read this birthday joke because the font is too small. I'm not saying you're old, but your birth certificate is in hieroglyphics. Hey, if we don't laugh, we'll cry! If you feel the same way, bookmark this list of jokes about aging that make growing old so much funnier.
Birthday jokes for kids
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What did the elephant want for his birthday?A trunk full of gifts. Why do cats get more birthday parties than dogs?Because they have nine lives. Why didn't the pony sing "Happy Birthday"?She was a little horse. What's the best kind of birthday cake to serve a panda?A pancake. Why was the bee at the birthday party?To wish the birthday boy a hap-bee birthday. What did the Chihuahua sing to the birthday girl?"Yappy birthday to you." Why wasn't the porcupine invited to the party?She kept popping all the balloons. What was the nerd's favorite party game?Hide and geek. What kind of fish can blow out birthday candles?A blowfish. Why should you always invite penguins to your party?They bring the ice. What's a mallard's favorite birthday game?Duck, duck, duck. What do birthday cakes and baseball games have in common?They both need batters. What do you sing to a cow on its birthday?"Happy birthday to moo!" What did the tree say at the birthday party?"I can't be-leaf it's your birthday again!" What did the superhero say when he put on his party hat?"I am Hatman." What does a clam do on his birthday?He shellabrates! Why did the giraffe leave her party early?She hurt her neck leaning over to blow out the candles. What did the dog say to the cat on her birthday?"You don't smell a day over 7!" Why didn't the teddy bear want any cake?He was stuffed. What kind of music makes birthday balloons have nightmares?Pop music. Why did the emoji leave the birthday party early?She had all the feelings. How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday?He felt his presents. If you want to impress a pint-sized audience at other times of the year, memorize these hilarious jokes for kids. (Spoiler alert: You'll LOL too!)
Birthday knock-knock jokes
Reader's Digest
Knock, knock.Who's there?I sing.I sing who?Icing is my favorite part of the cake! Knock, knock.Who's there?Woo.Woo who?Woo-hoo, it's your birthday! Knock, knock.Who's there?Abby.Abby who?Abby birthday! Knock, knock.Who's there?Orange.Orange who?Orange you glad I didn't forget your birthday? Knock, knock.Who's there?Olive.Olive who?Olive the presents are mine! Knock, knock.Who's there?Winnie.Winnie who?Winnie going to open the presents? Knock, knock.Who's there?Harry.Harry who?Harry up and blow out the candles before the ice-cream cake melts! Knock, knock.Who's there?Icy.Icy who?Icy you trying to crash my party! Loving these silly puns? You won't want to miss more of the funniest knock-knock jokes anywhere on the internet.
Joe Biden Jokes About Turning 81 With Dozens Of Candles On Fiery Cake - People.com
Joe Biden celebrated another year around the sun with one fiery surprise!
The 46th President of the United States — who turned 81 on Monday, setting a new record as the oldest sitting president in U.S. History — rang in the milestone with a cake topped by dozens of lit candles that set off a bright blaze.
A photo of Biden with the eye-catching dessert was shared by him on social media, along with a joke about the fire of light atop.
"Thanks for the birthday well-wishes today, everyone," he captioned the photo on Instagram. "Turns out on your 146th birthday, you run out of space for candles!"
Joe Biden shares photo of birthday cake on Instagram while celebrating his 81st birthday.
Joe Biden/Instagram
The jokes continued when president shared the same picture in his first post on Threads, a new social media platform from Meta.
"I turned 81 and all I got was a new social platform!," he joked. "Thanks for the well-wishes, folks."
He added, "And to the workers at the birthday candle factory, I hope your union got you overtime."
U.S. President Joe Biden delivers remarks before pardoning the National Thanksgiving turkeys Liberty and Bell during a ceremony on the South Lawn of the White House on November 20, 2023.
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Biden spent his special day at the White House while carrying out several presidential duties ahead of the Thanksgiving holiday. In the morning, he pardoned the National Thanksgiving Turkey in a ceremony on the White House South Lawn, while his wife — first lady Dr. Jill Biden, 72 — welcomed the official White House Christmas tree alongside military families.
While the couple already hosted a "Friendsgiving" dinner with service members at the Norfolk Naval Station in Virginia on Sunday, they're scheduled to finally get some private family time to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday after Tuesday, when they travel to Massachusetts. The couple are slated to stay there with their family for the remainder of the week.
Biden's age has been a big topic of discussion, especially heading into the 2024 election. A poll conducted in February showed that a majority of voters have concerns about his age as his reelection campaign ramps up, given that he would be 86 at the end of a potential second term.
Joe Biden and Dr. Jill Biden.
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Earlier this year, Biden's physician asserted that the "the president remains fit for duty" in a report published by the White House, and the president himself has laughed off speculation that he's slowing down.
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He joked at the 2023 White House Correspondents' Dinner in April: "Look, I get that age is a completely reasonable issue. You might think I don't like Rupert Murdoch, [but] that's simply not true. How can I dislike a guy who makes me look like Harry Styles?"
"Call me old, I call it being seasoned," the politician continued. "You say I am ancient, I say I'm wise. You say I'm over the hill, Don Lemon would say, 'That's a man in his prime.'"
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