Hilarious Dad Jokes That'll Make You Laugh (Even As You Roll Your Eyes)
105 Truly Funny Jokes That'll Make You Laugh Yourself Silly - Yahoo
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Who doesn't appreciate a good funny joke? Take this one, for example: Did you hear about the robbery at the glue factory? It was a stickup.
For the encore, we'd love to tell you a construction joke but ... We're still working on it.
If you like these corny one-liners, you're going to love this collection of funny jokes that are guaranteed to have you chuckling, if not completely cracking up.
That's because we've collected the best of the worst dad jokes, including groan-worthy puns, knock-knocks, dumb witticisms and the funniest anecdotes you'll find just about anywhere.
Feel free to use these funny jokes at the next family gathering, to get your friends laughing or whatever occasion you deem fit for a few knee-slappers.
After all, there's never a bad time for a good gag and these totally cheesy treasures are worth telling, whether kids or adults are your audience.
We should warn you, however — you're not going to find a whole lot of jokes on peaches here. That's because most of them are, well, pretty pitiful.
Terrible, right? But that's just the kind of comedy gold you've come for.
Funny dad jokesFunny Jokes
I met a giant once. I didn't know what to say, so I just used big words.
Did you hear about the dolphin romance? They really clicked.
A horse walks into a diner. The host says, "Hey!" The horse says, "You read my mind."
How did people see in the dark during medieval times? They used knight lights.
Why aren't there a lot of jokes about peaches? Because most of them are pit-iful.
What's the best way to catch a squirrel? Act like a nut.
Did you hear about math book that got a therapist? It had a lot of problems.
What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
Funny Jokes
What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef.
Why shouldn't you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Did you hear about the cat that aced the test? It got a purr-fect score.
Why is the ocean so clean? It has mer-maids.
Why did the king go to the dentist? He needed a crown.
Funny Jokes
Did you hear about the archeologist who got fired? His career was in ruins.
I'd tell you a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.
Why don't lions eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock-tor.
Did you hear about the ghost that joined a soccer team? It wanted to be a ghoulie.
Funny Jokes
Why did the potato leave the bar? All eyes were on him.
What do you get when you cross a guitar, drums and a car tire? A rubber band.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to the course? In case he got a hole in one.
Why did the boy wear his coat to dinner? Because chili was on the menu.
Did you hear about the baseball player who got arrested? He stole second base.
Funny Jokes
Why aren't kids allowed to see pirate movies? They're all rated arrrrr.
How much does it cost to hire a deer? A buck.
How did police catch the thief who robbed an Apple store? There was an iWitness.
Why did the coffee cup file a police report? It got mugged.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Thankfully, someone woke her up.
What kind of scientists avoid the sun? Paleontologists.
Funny Jokes
Why did the financial planner quit his job? He was losing interest.
Did you hear about the guy who decided to hang mirrors for a living? It's something he could see himself doing.
Why do frogs like playing baseball? They're good at catching fly balls.
How did Noah sail his ark at night? Using floodlights.
How do lumberjacks know how many trees they've cut down? They keep a log.
Why are sports stadiums so cold? Too many fans.
Funny Jokes
Where do cows get their clothes? From cattle-logs.
What kind of socks should you buy a bear? None. They prefer to go barefoot.
How do honeybees get to school? On the buzz.
Why did Darth Vader go to the dermatologist? He had Star Warts.
Did you hear about the light that got arrested? It went to prism.
Why did the beach get embarrassed? Because it noticed the sea weed.
I'm obsessed with telling airport jokes. My doctor says it's a terminal problem.
Funny Jokes
Funny jokes for adultsI was going to tell you a joke about sodium, but then I thought, "Na."
What's a pirate's favorite subject in school? Arrrr-t.
Did you hear about the killer whale that learned to play the flute? He wanted to be in the orca-stra.
What do you call a crocodile that's always causing trouble? An insta-gator.
I think I'm addicted to cheese. Don't worry, it's only mild.
Funny Jokes
What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers.
Why shouldn't you trust trees? They can be a little shady.
Why didn't the skeleton go skydiving? He didn't have the guts.
If you find out when fishing season begins, let minnow!
What's the best way to make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.
Funny Jokes
Why did the man name his puppy "Timex"? He wanted a watchdog.
Why did the pony eat a cough drop? It was a little horse.
What do mermaids wear under their shirts? Algae-bras.
What did the salmon say after hitting a wall? "Dam!"
How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit card.
Did you hear about the gardener who was excited for spring? She wet her plants.
Funny Jokes
What gift did the dentist get upon retiring? A little plaque.
Why are barbers always on time? They know a lot of shortcuts.
What do bananas wear around the house? Slippers.
Why did the spoon quit his job? He was going stir-crazy.
I told a bad chemistry joke once. It didn't get much of a reaction.
What did the pirate say at his 80th birthday party? "Aye, Matey!"
Funny Jokes
Why shouldn't you play hide-and-seek at a hospital? You'll always be found in the ICU.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
Why are elephants so wrinkled? No one knows how to iron them.
How many skunks does it take to make a stink? Just a phew.
Funny Jokes
What did one vampire say to the other? "Is that you coffin?"
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a parking lot.
Why don't insects get sick? They have anty-bodies.
Did you hear about the guy who deposited his watch at the bank? He wanted to save time.
What's a donut's favorite song? "Cruller Summer."
Funny Jokes
Why do chickens have a lot of parties? They enjoy hen-tertaining.
Why did the pigs move? They were living in a high-grime neighborhood.
I just had the dentist pull out all my teeth. I'm never doing that again.
Why don't seashells take baths? Because they wash up on the beach.
Why shouldn't you trust jungle animals? They're always lion.
Funny Jokes
What do fish use to buy groceries? Sand dollars.
Did you hear about the robbery at the glue factory? It was a stickup.
Why did the suspenders go to jail? They held up a pair of pants.
Why don't mountains ever get cold? They have snowcaps.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Barry. Barry who? Barry nice to meet you.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida big lunch and now I'm full.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Iona. Iona who? Iona car. Do you?
Knock, knock! Who's there? Ash. Ash who?! Need a tissue?
Funny Jokes
Knock, knock! Who's there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any more knock-knock jokes?
Knock, knock! Who's there? Impatient duck. Impatient duck ... QUACK!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Barbie. Barbie who? Barbie-cue is my favorite.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub, bathtime is over.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Birds. Birds who? No, but owls do.
Funny Jokes
Knock, knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and let me in!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Alison. Alison who? Alison Wonderland.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Shirley. Shirley who? Shirley you must know who I am by now.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don't tell a lot of knock-knock jokes.
Funny Jokes
Knock, knock! Who's there? Jewel. Jewel who? Jewel know when you open the door.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Pooch. Pooch who? Pooch your coat on, it's chilly out.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Weed. Weed who? Weed make a cute couple. Let's go out!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Appeal. Appeal who? Appeal is what you find on a banana.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Catsup. Catsup who? Catsup in a tree, better get a ladder.
Funny Jokes
Knock, knock! Who's there? Genoa. Genoa who? Genoa good barber? I need a haircut.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Hank. Hank who? Oh, you're welcome!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little loan, I'm short on cash this month.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Abby. Abby who? Abby birthday to you!
This article was originally published on TODAY.Com
Wharton Study Suggests Being The Funny Guy At Work
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Credit: Cindy Chen It's time to use your sense of humor to your advantage at the office. Recent research by the Wharton School suggests that a well-received joke can improve your professional status and workplace opinions of your skill.
This is a primary finding of the research paper "Risky Business: When Humor Increases and Decreases Status," written by Wharton professor of Operations, Information and Decisions Maurice Schweitzer, graduate student Brad Bitterly and Harvard University assistant professor Alison Wood Brooks.
The researchers found that successfully using humor in the workplace causes others to perceive the joke-teller as both more confident and competent, thus increasing their status and recognition among peers.
Schweitzer thinks that humor is a useful professional tool that people often overlook, and his findings support the idea that when used effectively, humor can elevate one's social position.
"We argue that humor should be thought of as a deliberate and important tool that profoundly shapes our interpersonal interactions," he said. "So how we perceive other people, and in particular the status that we accord other people, is profoundly influenced by the use of humor."
The funny person in the office, as long as they do not use humor inappropriately, is usually looked up to.
"When people make a funny joke, people think of them as higher status," Schweitzer added.
Using humor, the research demonstrates, is a free way to increase standing, while many spend thousands of dollars buying designer brand clothing and bags to do the same.
"The example that we talked about in our research team is whereas a Louis Vuitton bag is really expensive, a joke is free," Bitterly said.
As long as the joke is appropriate, it will still make the joke-teller appear more confident, even if it falls flat.
"Even the mere attempt at using humor signals confidence," Schweitzer added. "So even if the joke isn't funny or doesn't land, the idea that people are attempting to use humor signals that they have some confidence."
However, if the joke is not appropriate for the office or professional environment, it can offend people and ultimately backfire.
"It's a risky approach," Bitterly said. "If you successfully use humor, people say, 'oh, that person's really witty.' If you tell inappropriate jokes, people will think that you're more confident, but they'll think, 'what an idiot,' and you'll ultimately lose status."
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Bitterly recognizes the importance of their work and was initially surprised that researchers had not studied the connection between humor and status before.
"Humor pervades our lives, and when you actually hear people talk about traits that they look for in a date or in a wspouse, they consistently rate sense of humor," he said. "But then the management literatures largely overlook the impact of humor and really haven't done experimental work, prior to the work that we did on how humor changes perception."
Bitterly also advises using humor in interviews, since an appropriate, funny joke can make one appear more confident and competent to a potential employer.
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