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278 Best Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh



clever jokes for adults :: Article Creator

50 Best New Year's Jokes For Adults And Kids

Welcome 2025 With Laughter Thanks to These Jokes Ridofranz - Getty Images

Leading up to New Year's Eve and 2025, it's normal to think about change in our lives and what we may want to do differently in the new year. For some, it's being more mindful, while others strive to expand their reading lists. But one thing everyone could benefit from in 2025? Having more humor in our lives, and these funny New Year's jokes and punchy one-liners can certainly start us all off on the right foot.

This list is full of the most hilarious dad jokes, silliest jokes for kids and super clever puns that family and friends of all ages will certainly enjoy on New Year's Eve. The possibilities are endless — you can recite one or two while making a heartfelt New Year's toast or use them for your Instagram captions accompanying all your glittery New Year's selfies. Another idea? Send these humorous New Year's wishes to your loved ones via text when the clock strikes midnight to spread some instant cheer.

No matter how you use them, we guarantee a few of your favorites on this list will end up becoming regular corny jokes you say from time to time when someone's in need of a little chuckle.

What's a spider's New Year's resolution?

To spend less time on the web.

Good Housekeeping

What do you tell someone you didn't see on New Year's Eve?

I haven't seen you for a year!

Good Housekeeping

What does every new year have in store for us?

Another 365 days!

Good Housekeeping

Why do you need a jeweler on New Year's Eve?

To ring in the new year.

Good Housekeeping

How did Prince celebrate the new millennium?

He partied like it was 1999.

Good Housekeeping

What does a ghost say on January 1st?

Happy Boo Year!

Danielle Carson

Why is partying in Times Square overrated?

Because they drop the ball every year.

Good Housekeeping

What should people never eat on New Year's Eve?

Fire crackers.

Good Housekeeping

What does a field grow on January 1?

New Year's hay.

Good Housekeeping

In what year did Christmas Day and New Year's Day fall in the same year?

Every year!

Good Housekeeping

What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year's Eve?

Hogs and kisses.

Good Housekeeping

Last year, I was able to keep all of my New Year's resolutions...

... Tucked away in a journal on my bookshelf.

Good Housekeeping

What does a caterpillar do on January 1?

Turns over a new leaf.

Good Housekeeping

What did the chef make for his New Year's dinner?

New Year's filet.

Good Housekeeping

Knock knock. Who's there? Radio. Radio who?

Radio not, it's a new year.

Good Housekeeping

Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year's Eve.

It's December 31st.

Danielle Carson

Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31?

He wanted to make a New Year's toast!

Good Housekeeping

Where do you go to do math homework on New Year's?

Times Square.

Good Housekeeping

How can you keep a New Year's resolution to read more while never opening a book?

Watch TV with subtitles.

Good Housekeeping

What was Dr. Frankenstein's New Year's resolution?

To make new friends.

Good Housekeeping

What do snowmen like to do on New Year's Eve?

Chill out!

Good Housekeeping

What do you call someone who says they know all the words to "Auld Lang Syne"?

A liar.

Good Housekeeping

What New Year's resolution should a basketball player never make?

To travel more.

Good Housekeeping

Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year's Eve?

He wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.

Good Housekeeping

Knock knock. Who's there? Cheese.

Cheese who? For cheese a jolly good fellow.

Good Housekeeping

What did the cat say on New Year's Eve?

"Meow."

Good Housekeeping

Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve?

It's too far to walk.

Danielle Carson

My New Year's resolution is to stop procrastinating.

But I'll wait until tomorrow to start.

Danielle Carson

New Year?

I just got used to this last one!

Danielle Carson

What do you call always wanting a date for New Year's Eve?

Social Security.

Danielle Carson

Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?

To start off the new year in a cool way.

Danielle Carson

What's the problem with jogging on New Year's Eve?

The ice falls out of your drinks!

Danielle Carson

Knock knock. Who's there? Abby.

Abby who? Abby New Year!

Hearst Owned

My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full...

... With either rum, vodka or whiskey.

Danielle Carson

What is corn's favorite holiday?

New Ear's Day.

Danielle Carson

What's a cow's favorite holiday?

Moo Year's Day!

Hearst Owned

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year...

... But then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

Hearst Owned

At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds...

... Only 15 more to go!

Hearst Owned

What is a New Year's resolution?

Something that goes in one year and out the other.

Hearst Owned

What's the best New Year's resolution?

1080p.

Hearst Owned

My New Year's resolution is to break my New Year's resolutions.

That way I succeed at something!

Hearst Owned

What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve?

He got 12 months!

Hearst Owned

An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year's Eve.

One was charged and the other was let off.

Hearst Owned

What did the little champagne bottle call his father?

Pop!

Hearst Owned

Let's celebrate New Year's Eve...

... By making many pour decisions!

Hearst Owned

I would lose weight for my New Year's resolution...

... But I hate losing.

Hearst Owned

Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year's Eve?

Because 9, 8, 7...

Hearst Owned

Who gets the most excited about the New Year's Eve countdown?

Calendar companies.

Hearst Owned

What do New Year's parades have in common with Santa Claus?

No one is ever awake to see them.

Hearst Owned

My resolution was to read more...

... So I put the subtitles on my TV.

Good Housekeeping

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82 Valentine's Day Jokes To Share With Your Sweetheart

Love is in the air, and because humor is the way to everyone's heart, we've collected the best jokes into a sweet assortment of witty treats. Whether you are looking to make your special someone crack up or need some comedic ammunition to fend off Cupid's arrows, this collection of Valentine's Day jokes is sure to hit the bull's-eye. Forget roses and candy. Laughter is the real aphrodisiac!

So pucker up, buttercup, and get ready to share some love jokes with your sweetheart—or not. After all, for some people, Valentine's Day is the real joke.

Get Reader's Digest's Read Up newsletter for more humor, holidays, travel, tech and fun facts all week long.

Funniest Valentine's Day jokes

Funniest Valentine's Day JokesRD.COM, GETTY IMAGES

  • Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?No, they had an apple.
  • What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love?"I found the perfect match!"
  • Did you hear about the bedbugs who fell in love?They're getting married in the spring.
  • Why do skunks love Valentine's Day?Because they're scent-imental creatures.
  • What did one criminal say to the other on Valentine's Day?"You stole my heart."
  • Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?He'll dessert you.
  • What do you call a very small valentine?A valentiny.
  • How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?He gave her a ring.
  • What did the cat say to her crush on Valentine's Day?"You're purrfect for me."
  • Where do all the hamburgers take their dates on Valentine's Day?To a meatball.
  • What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?February 14.
  • What happened when the two angels got married?They lived harpily ever after.
  • What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?It made him wed his plants!
  • Why does Cupid always make so much money at the casino?Because he's a Valentine's card shark.
  • What did one pig say to the other?"Don't go bacon my heart."
  • What did one plate say to the other on Valentine's Day?"Tonight, dinner's on me."
  • Did you hear about the two radios that got married?The reception was amazing.
  • What's a loaf of bread's favorite song?"All You Knead Is Love."
  • Did you hear about the spider wedding?They're newlywebs.

    • Loving these Valentine's Day jokes? Then you're sure to chuckle at these flirty knock-knock jokes.

    Valentine's Day jokes for kids

    Valentine's Day Jokes For KidsRD.COM, GETTY IMAGES

  • Did you hear about the vampire wedding?It was love at first bite.
  • What did the grizzly say to the panda?"You are beary special to me."
  • What did one tomato say to the other on Valentine's Day?"I love you from my head tomatoes."
  • What did one triangle say to the other on Valentine's Day?"You're acute."
  • Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?Because it's all heart.
  • What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine's Day?"You're my butter half!"
  • What did one muffin say to the other on Valentine's Day?"You're a stud, muffin."
  • What did the magnet say to the fridge?"I find you so attractive."
  • What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine's Day?"You're one in a melon!"
  • What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?You get buttered up.
  • What did one beet say to the other on Valentine's Day?"You make my heart beet faster!"
  • Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?Because he wanted sweet dreams.
  • What did one mushroom say to the other on Valentine's Day?"There's so mushroom in my heart for you!"
  • Why did the banana go out with the prune?Because it couldn't get a date.
  • What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?"Somebunny loves you!"
  • What did one volcano say to the other?"I lava you."

    • Looking for some more love-ly jokes for little ones? Check out even more Valentine's Day jokes for kids.

    Cute Valentine's Day jokes about love

    Cute Valentine's Day Jokes About LoveRD.COM, GETTY IMAGES

  • What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?"Whale you be mine?"
  • What did one bee say to another on Valentine's Day?"You are bee-utiful!"
  • What did the sheep say to his crush on Valentine's Day?"You're not so baaaad."
  • What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?"Be my Valenstein."
  • What did the bat say to his girlfriend?"You're fun to hang around with."
  • What did the owl say to his Valentine?"Owl be yours!"
  • What did the ghost ask his girlfriend?"Will you be my Valenslime?"
  • What did the pencil say to the paper?"I dot my i's on you."
  • What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?"I love you a ton."
  • What kind of dinner does Cupid eat?A hearty one.
  • What do astronauts say to their sweethearts?"I love you to the moon and back."
  • What did one bird say to the other on Valentine's Day?"Let me call you tweetheart!"
  • What did the light bulb say to the switch?"You turn me on."
  • What's the perfect thing to say to a coffee lover on Valentine's Day?"Words cannot espresso what you mean to me."
  • What did the man say to his banker on February 14?"You've caught my interest."

    • Stumped by what you should put in your Valentine's Day card? Add some space puns for an out-of-this-world Valentine.

    Valentine's Day knock-knock jokes

    Valentine's Day Knock Knock JokesRD.COM, GETTY IMAGES

  • Knock, knock.Who's there?Frank.Frank who?Frank you for being my sweetheart!
  • Knock, knock.Who's there?Emma.Emma who?Emma hoping I get lots of cards on Valentine's Day.
  • Knock, knock.Who's there?Atlas.Atlas who?Atlas, it's Valentine's Day!
  • Knock, knock.Who's there?Pooch.Pooch who?Pooch your arms around me, Valentine.
  • Knock, knock.Who's there?Olive.Olive who?Olive you!
  • Knock, knock.Who's there?Luke.Luke who?Luke who got a Valentine!
  • Knock, knock.Who's there?Sherwood.Sherwood who?Sherwood like to be your Valentine.

    • Knock, knock. Who's there? Oh, just some funny relationship tweets that are spot on.

    Valentine's Day dad jokes

    Valentine's Day Dad JokesRD.COM, GETTY IMAGES

  • What's Cupid's favorite superhero TV show?Arrow.
  • What's the most romantic part of a fork?Its Valentines.
  • Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?He fell in love with a pin cushion.
  • What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?Cauliflowers!
  • What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?"I'm sweet on you."
  • What would you call it if your aunt ran off to get married?Antelope.
  • What is a ram's favorite song on February 14?"I Only Have Eyes for Ewe."
  • What did one snake say to the other snake on Valentine's Day?"Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey."
  • What did one octopus say to the other on Valentine's Day?"Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?"
  • What did the Italian chef say to her boyfriend on Valentine's Day?"I cannoli be happy when I'm with you."
  • Did you hear the joke about Valentine's Day candy?I snickered.
  • What did one tangerine say to the other on Valentine's Day?"Orange you sweet!"
  • What did Han Solo say to Princess Leia on Valentine's Day?"Yoda one for me."
  • What did the omelet say to the toast on Valentine's Day?"You're eggs-actly my type."
  • Are you the internet?Because I'm feeling a connection.
  • Why are my feet cold on Valentine's Day?Because you knocked my socks off.
  • Did you hear about the wedding between the sugar and cream?It was icing on the cake.

    • Roses are red, violets are blue; these Valentine's Day jokes will make a comedian out of you.

    Valentine's jokes for single people

    Valentine's Jokes For Single PeopleRD.COM, GETTY IMAGES

  • Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?Yes, February 14.
  • What's the difference between a girl who's sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?One is bored over a man, and the other is overboard.
  • What's the best part about Valentine's Day?The sale on chocolate the next day.
  • Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend before Valentine's Day?Her heart wasn't in it.
  • What did the girl do when her ex said he wanted a fairy-tale relationship?She left him in the forest with a loaf of bread.
  • What's the best way to get a date for Valentine's Day?Look at a calendar.
  • What do single people call Valentine's Day?Independence Day.
  • Why was the ghost sad on Valentine's Day?He didn't have a boo.

    • Don't feel like celebrating Valentine's Day? Maybe these dark jokes are more your speed.

    Why trust us

    Reader's Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the past 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That's Funny. We've earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as "Life in These United States," "All in a Day's Work," "Laughter, the Best Medicine" and "Humor in Uniform," as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they're great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader's Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this story on the funniest Valentine's Day jokes, Laura Beck tapped her experience as a comedy writer for publications including the New York Times, the New Yorker and McSweeney's, as well as TV shows such as The Great North. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.





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