100 funny jokes :: Article CreatorThe 100 Funniest Jokes From The Last 100 Years
100 Jokes 100 Years
Humor has certainly evolved over the years, yet many jokes manage to withstand the test of time. To commemorate the 100th anniversary of Reader's Digest, our team of humor-loving editors combed the archives to come up with this collection of the 100 best jokes published in the magazine since 1922. In fact, we couldn't stop ourselves, so you'll actually find more than 100. If a century's worth of humor isn't enough for you, there's even more to explore in Reader's Digest—whether your tastes lean toward hopelessly corny jokes, easily remembered short jokes, or irresistibly bad jokes. And if you're looking for a special someone to share your favorites with, our collection of funny pickup lines might come in handy.
The post The 100 Funniest Jokes from the Last 100 Years appeared first on Reader's Digest.
150 Funny Jokes That Will Bring The House Down
Did you hear the one about the girl who got fired from the calendar factory? She took a day off. What about the pony that ate a cough drop? Apparently, it was a little horse. How about this: When is a car not a car? When it turns into a parking lot. If like those bad-but-good gags you're going to love this collection of funny jokes that are bound to give you and anyone else who hears them, a serious case of the giggles.
Below you'll find an assortment of dumb puns, corny one-liners and silly knock-knock jokes, and all of them are perfect for kids, adults, work, family gatherings or any other occasion that calls for a bit of comic relief.
We're well-aware that these short wisecracks are seriously groan-worthy, but that's exactly the point. If you don't cringe, then is it truly a dad joke? To keep the chuckles coming, we've collected our absolutely favorite funny jokes in the list below. Like this one, for example: Why aren't kids allowed to see pirate movies? They're all rated arrrrr, of course.
We see you — you're the one slapping your forehead right now. But you're probably laughing, too. If so, then you're in luck, because you'll find plenty more funny lines where that came from in the compilation below. So, get your doctor on the phone, because by the time you're done reading these short jokes, you're going to be in stitches.
Best Funny Jokes
What do you call bears without ears? B. What happened to the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had mittens. Why did the socks break up? They weren't a good match. What did the cop says to his belly button? "You're under a vest!" What's the best way to learn how to make ice cream? Go to sundae school. 
What did the nose say to the finger? "Stop picking on me!" Why did the photo go to jail? It was framed. What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? An investi-gator. Why are elevator jokes so good? They're funny on many levels. Why was the lettuce embarrassed? It saw the salad dressing. 
Did you hear about the rowboat that sank? It was a total oar-deal. 'Why do dragons nap during the day? So they can fight knights. What's a cat's best subject in school? Hisss-tory. Why do nurses use red color crayons? So they can draw blood. Someone asked me if I got a haircut. I said, "No, I got them all cut." 
Why didn't the chef season the chicken? He didn't have enough thyme. Did you hear about the girl who got fired from the calendar factory? She took a day off. Why don't physicists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you. When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. 
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger and larger. Then it hit me. What do computers eat for lunch? Micro-chips. What's the hottest part of any room? The corner, because it's always 90 degrees. How many dance instructors does it take to change a lightbulb? Five ... Six ... Seven ... Eight! Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four it would be a sedan. 
Why do sweaters stick together? Because they're close-knit. Did you hear about the octopus that held up a convenience store? It was an armed-robbery. Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Any idea how to drive this thing?" Why do ducks have tails? To hide their butt-quacks. Did you about the stolen dog collar? Police are looking for leads. 
I'm wasn't a fan of facial hair, but eventually it grew on me. Have you ever played quiet tennis? It's the same as regular tennis, but without the racket. What did the mummy say after getting detention? "This sphinx!" I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but then I turned myself around. Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked. 
Did you hear about the guy giving away dead batteries? They were free of charge. What do lawyers wear under their pants? Briefs. Did you hear about the equestrian that got laryngitis? Now she's a hoarse whisperer. Why did the invisible man quit his job? He couldn't see himself doing it. There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can do math and those who can't. Silly Dad Jokes
Why did the author get married? She found Mr. Write. Why don't skeletons skydive? They don't have the guts to do it. Where do cucumbers go on date night? The salad bar. Did you hear about the pine tree that got a timeout? It was being knotty. What do you say to a cow that gets in your way? "Moooo-ve!" 
I met a giant once. I didn't know what to say, so I just used big words. Did you hear about the dolphin romance? They really clicked. A horse walks into a diner. The host says, "Hey!" The horse says, "You read my mind!" How did people see in the dark during medieval times? They used knight lights. Why aren't there a lot of jokes about peaches? Because most of them are pit-iful. What's the best way to catch a squirrel? Act like a nut. Did you hear about math book that got a therapist? It had a lot of problems. What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis. 
What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef. Why shouldn't you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. Did you hear about the cat that aced the test? It got a purr-fect score. Why is the ocean so clean? It has mer-maids. Why did the king go to the dentist? He needed a crown. 
Did you hear about the archeologist who got fired? His career was in ruins. I'd tell you a construction joke, but I'm still working on it. Why don't lions eat clowns? Because they taste funny. Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock-tor. Did you hear about the ghost that joined a soccer team? It wanted to be a ghoulie. 
Why did the potato leave the bar? All eyes were on him. What do you get when you cross a guitar, drums and a car tire? A rubber band. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to the course? In case he got a hole in one. Why did the boy wear his coat to dinner? Because chili was on the menu. Did you hear about the baseball player who got arrested? He stole second base. 
Why aren't kids allowed to see pirate movies? They're all rated arrrrr. How much does it cost to hire a deer? A buck. How did police catch the thief who robbed an Apple store? There was an iWitness. Why did the coffee cup file a police report? It got mugged. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Thankfully, someone woke her up. What kind of scientists avoid the sun? Paleontologists. 
Why did the financial planner quit his job? He was losing interest. Did you hear about the guy who decided to hang mirrors for a living? It's something he could see himself doing. Why do frogs like playing baseball? They're good at catching fly balls. How did Noah sail his ark at night? Using floodlights. How do lumberjacks know how many trees they've cut down? They keep a log. Why are sports stadiums so chilly? Too many fans. 
Where do cows get their clothes? From cattle-logs. What kind of socks should you buy a bear? None. They prefer to go barefoot. How do honeybees get to school? On the buzz. Why did Darth Vader go to the dermatologist? He had Star Warts. Did you hear about the light that got arrested? It went to prism. Why did the beach get embarrassed? Because it noticed the sea weed. I'm obsessed with telling airport jokes. My doctor says it's a terminal problem. 
Funny Jokes For Adults
I was going to tell you a joke about sodium, but then I thought, "Na." What's a pirate's favorite subject in school? Arrrr-t. Did you hear about the killer whale that learned to play the flute? He wanted to be in the orca-stra. What do you call a crocodile that's always causing trouble? An insta-gator. I think I'm addicted to hot sauce. Don't worry, it's only mild. 
What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers. Why shouldn't you trust trees? They can be a little shady. Why didn't the skeleton go skydiving? He didn't have the guts. If you find out when fishing season begins, let minnow! What's the best way to make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles. Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad. 
Why did the man name his puppy "Timex"? He wanted a watchdog. Why did the pony eat a cough drop? It was a little horse. What do mermaids wear under their shirts? Algae-bras. What did the salmon say after hitting a wall? "Dam!" How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit card. Did you hear about the gardener who was excited for spring? She wet her plants. 
What gift did the dentist get upon retiring? A little plaque. Why are barbers always on time? They know a lot of shortcuts. What do bananas wear around the house? Slippers. Why did the spoon quit his job? He was going stir-crazy. I told a bad chemistry joke once. It didn't get much of a reaction. What did the pirate say at his 80th birthday party? "Aye, Matey!" 
Why shouldn't you play hide-and-seek at a hospital? You'll always be found in the ICU. Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it. Why are elephants so wrinkled? No one knows how to iron them. How many skunks does it take to make a stink? Just a phew. 
What did one sick vampire say to the other? "Is that you coffin?" When is a car not a car? When it turns into a parking lot. Why don't insects get sick? They have anty-bodies. Did you hear about the guy who deposited his watch at the bank? He wanted to save time. What's a donut's favorite song? "Cruller Summer" Why do chickens have a lot of parties? They enjoy hen-tertaining. 
Why did the pigs move? They were living in a high-grime neighborhood. I just had the dentist pull out all my teeth. I'm never doing that again. Why don't seashells take baths? Because they wash up on the beach. Why shouldn't you trust jungle animals? They're always lion. What do fish use to buy groceries? Sand dollars. Did you hear about the robbery at the glue factory? It was a stickup. Why did the suspenders go to jail? They held up a pair of pants. Why don't mountains ever get cold? They have snowcaps. Funny Knock-Knock Jokes
Knock, knock! Who's there? Barry. Barry who? Barry nice to meet you. Knock, knock! Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida big lunch and now I'm full. Knock, knock! Who's there? Iona. Iona who? Iona car. Do you? Knock, knock! Who's there? Ash. Ash who?! Need a tissue? 
Knock, knock! Who's there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any more knock-knock jokes? Knock, knock! Who's there? Impatient duck. Impatient duck ... QUACK! Knock, knock! Who's there? Barbie. Barbie who? Barbie-cue is my favorite. Knock, knock! Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub, bathtime is over. Knock, knock! Who's there? Birds. Birds who? No, but owls do. 
Knock, knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and let me in! Knock, knock! Who's there? Alison. Alison who? Alison Wonderland. Knock, knock! Who's there? Shirley. Shirley who? Shirley you must know who I am by now. Knock, knock! Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don't tell a lot of knock-knock jokes. 
Knock, knock! Who's there? Jewel. Jewel who? Jewel know when you open the door. Knock, knock! Who's there? Pooch. Pooch who? Pooch your coat on, it's chilly out. Knock, knock! Who's there? Weed. Weed who? Weed make a cute couple. Let's go out! Knock, knock! Who's there? Appeal. Appeal who? Appeal is what you find on a banana. Knock, knock! Who's there? Catsup. Catsup who? Catsup in a tree, better get a ladder. 
Knock, knock! Who's there? Genoa. Genoa who? Genoa good barber? I need a haircut. Knock, knock! Who's there? Hank. Hank who? Oh, you're welcome! Knock, knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little loan, I'm short on cash this month. Knock, knock! Who's there? Abby. Abby who? Abby birthday to you! 142 Funny Jokes Guaranteed To Keep You Giggling
Okay, okay, we're not claiming to be John Mulaney or Hannah Berner, but sometimes you just need a funny joke up your sleeve. Maybe a first date just got a bit awkward and you need a classic dad joke, or you're trying to make your niece laugh with a knock-knock joke. Maybe you need to help a friend cheer up, or you've just been approached by one of those TikTokers shouting, "If you make me laugh, I will buy you a car!" No matter the problem, we've got a hilarious solution.
Scroll down, and you'll find 142 funny jokes locked and loaded for when you or your loved ones really need a laugh. Feel free to bookmark this page—we won't tell anyone you got 'em from us.
Related Story One-Liner Jokes
How do you know if a vampire is unwell? Because he'll be coffin. Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand shops. Why did the bicycle collapse? It was too tired. What kind of music do bubbles hate? Pop. Why did the hairdresser win the race? He knew a shortcut. How did the picture end up in prison? It was framed. What do solicitors wear to work? Lawsuits. Why did the bullet lose its job? It got fired. Why can't a toe be 12 inches long? Then it'd be a foot. Want to hear a joke about a roof? The first one's on the house. What does a house wear? Address! What did one wall say to the other? "I'll meet you at the corner." Why is grass so dangerous? It's full of blades. What's orange and sounds like a carrot? A parrot. Why do French people eat snails? They don't like fast food. Where do hamburgers and hot dogs go dancing? A meatball. How do trees get online? They just log on! How do billboards talk? Sign language. What's America's favorite soda? Mini soda. Why shouldn't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything. How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Caesars. Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? She'll let it go. What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I'll go on ahead. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands. How do you follow a book? You track their footnotes. What tree can fit in your hand? A palm tree. Why are astronauts so clean? They take meteor showers. Why are ghosts bad liars? They're totally see-through. How do poets say hello? Haven't we metaphor? RIP to boiling water... You will be mist. How does the ocean say hi? It waves. How did the art competition end? In a draw. Corny Jokes
Where can you buy soup in bulk? The stock market. What's brown and sticky? A stick. Why do bees have sticky hair? They use honeycombs. Sea monsters have been known to eat what? Fish and ships. What do you call a vicar who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law. What kind of cheese doesn't belong to you? Nacho cheese. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring. Which month of the year has 28 days? Um, all of them. Why was the broom late to work? It overswept. What does a pig use in the shower? Hog wash. Why don't ants get sick? They have anty-bodies. What did the drummer call his daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2. Why do computers overheat? They need to vent. What goes up and down but doesn't actually move? Stairs. Food Jokes
What do PHD students eat when they're hungry? Academia nuts. Why should you always knock before opening the fridge door? In case there's a salad dressing. Why couldn't the sesame seed stop talking? He was on a roll. Why do prawns never share? Because they're shellfish. What did the cheese say to himself in the mirror? Halloumi! Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling. What did one pickle say to the other? Dill with it. What food is never on time? Choco-late! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. What do you call a cup of coffee with a pair of trousers in it? A cupachinos. What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? Gourdgeous. How does Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon. What nuts always seem to have a cold? Cashews. Who is green and sings? Elvis Parsley. What is the favorite fruit of twins? Pears. What do you give to cure a sick lemon? Lemon-aid. What would you call a peanut in space? An astronut. I could tell you a pizza joke… But it would probably be cheesy. What happens when a walnut laughs heavily? It cracks up. Excuse me sir, will my pizza be long? No, it'll be round. What's the saddest fruit? A blueberry. Where did the lettuce go for a drink? The salad bar. Animal Jokes
Why do fish live in salt water? Pepper makes them sneeze. What are spiders really good at? Surfing the web. What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador. How does a farmer keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator. What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator. Why don't they play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. What social events do spiders love to attend? Webbings. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk. Why aren't koalas considered bears? They don't have the right koala-fications. What do you call a well-balanced horse? Stable. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. What's the smartest insect? A spelling bee! Where do cows go on Friday nights? The mooovies. How do you make a baby snake cry? Take away its rattle. What do you call a chicken that makes jokes? A comedihen. What are caterpillars scared of? Dogerpillars. Why didn't the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah. Why did the bee get married? Because she found her honey. Why can't the leopard hide? Because he's always spotted. What kind of jacket does an octopus wear? An army jacket. What sort of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad. I was told I needed to stop acting like a flamingo... So I put my foot down. Where do horses live? In neighhhhhbourhoods. What do you call a goat who paints pictures? Vincent Van Goat! Why are mice afraid of swimming? Catfish! Best Funny Jokes for Adults
What do you call a singer with a laptop on her head? A-Dell. When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. What do toilets do when they're embarrassed? They get a bit flush. How do you organize a space-themed party? You planet. Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter. Why did the robot arrive at the event so tired? He had a hard drive. What do runners eat before a race? Nothing. They fast. How do you stop an astronaut's toddler from crying? You rocket. What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon. Why shouldn't you use a broken pencil? Because it's point-less. What did the policeman say to his nipple? You're under a vest. Why couldn't the sailor learn the alphabet? He kept getting lost at C. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball. What did the dentist win at the competition? A little plaque. What do you call a skeleton with only a head? A nobody. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's very heavy, and the other's a little lighter. Why do ghosts like to take the elevator? It lifts their spirits. What do you call a patronizing bear? A pan-duh. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field. Why didn't the skeleton ever go on dates? He didn't have the guts to ask anyone. Do you want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it. Why doesn't Dracula have any friends? He's a bit of a pain in the neck. What do you call a guy who's really loud? Mike. What do you call a retired vegetable? A has-bean. Can February March? No, but April May! Why shouldn't you marry a calendar? Its days are numbered. What do you call a detective that accidentally solves the case? Sheer Luck Holmes. What is it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials. What should you do if you're cold? Stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back for seconds. Why did Shakespeare always write with a pen? Because pencils made him ask '2B or not 2B'? What does one eye say to the other eye? Something between us smells. What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1. Why should you never trust stairs? They're always up to something. What's the spookiest kind of author? A ghost writer. What did the comedian say to Harry Potter? Why so Sirius? Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"? Because every play has a cast. What's an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard? The space bar. Did you hear about the people who stole a calendar? They each got six months. Why is it hard to eat near basketball players? They dribble all the time. Did you hear about the actor falling through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage. Did you hear about the group ski trip? It went downhill fast. Why did you decide to get rid of your vacuum? It was just collecting dust. This is my step-ladder… I never knew my real ladder. I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know why. I was going to take a bath… But then decided I was going to leave it where it was. A bossy man walked into a bar… And ordered everyone a round.
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